Eleven Months to Grow a Girl

A few years ago, at the ripe old age of 16 (ha!), I felt a strong call to do a gap year, to spend a year growing and learning and seeing where God could bring me as a person, use me for His glory and share His amazing story along the way. I did not know what that might look like and I certainly would never have imagined the past eleven months as they were back then. And now, I leave London with a greater vision, less fear of the future, a greater truth in God's purposes, a passion for building community, a more balanced life that is shaped by service rather than self-ambition, great friends, amazing mentors, and a rich rich thankfulness. I can't explain how this year has shaken me as a person in all aspects of my life, how it has made me wrestle with the way I live my life in an often painful way, and realigned my life to see greater things, greater plans and be ready for the future.

I remember when I was applying for University and I struggled to get excited about it. I didn't feel ready, I didn't want to learn for three years when I could be doing things, making an impact. I didn't want to be swept up in a culture that rid me of my current identity and once again forced me into thinking that knowledge, learning and achievements are what my identity rides on. Now, I feel ready. I have had a year of giving, learning, loving and I have a healthier perspective of what University can offer me and exactly why I am going. Yes, I want to get a degree which can give me access to better jobs and opportunities (although I am a big believer in alternative methods and explored many of them before finally deciding that to accept my place at University was the right thing for me) and I want to have the 'experience' that so many grads harp on about (although this year has been a wonderful experience also, and one I would not trade for an earlier graduation). But now I go knowing exactly what I want out of that experience, how I can serve and grow and learn and keep a healthy attitude to what really matters.

The past eleven months have grown me as a girl by forcing me into an adult world of adult problems. It forced me to work out the struggles of routine, of priorities, of living with people who won't make you dinner and wash your clothes and who hold you responsible for your own welfare (let's be honest, living at home is not the same), to think independently and to love in a deeper, richer and relentless way. The work I have done has been hard. I have been working in a highly skilled team who intimidated me for the first few months with their togetherness and social life, who showed me what it was to work hard but also the joys of rest, and got me out of my bubble of only hanging out with people my own age. I have been working in a community with cultural and age differences where prejudice is still rife and trying to unite them and cross those boundaries, loving people who are hard to love, serving them in their greatest need and putting up with their many character traits which are fraustrating as anything. I have taken responsibility and ownership for my work, building my own relationships in an environment that does not give you a handy mark scheme so you can see your progress or tick boxes like you can with an A Level essay.

I've also learnt little things like budgeting money (on a much tighter budget than Student Finance let me tell you!), and socialising! Yep, I was the girl who chose to spend pretty much all her Saturdays essay writing rather than working just that little bit harder in the week. I was rubbish at making plans and worried far too much about getting things done. I now feel confident just to grab a camera and walk around London, to meet friends after work (an evening out on a school night? Goodness gracious), to enjoy all the free and wonderful things London has to offer, including the company of my housemates. I have learnt to live in community with others rather than just shutting myself in my room for the day with my laptop and a bowl of pasta; I can cook a lot better, too!

Basically, life happened and forced me to grow up. I worked the hardest I have ever and faced real struggles, taking on the emotional pain of others, a broken heart for the poor and marginalised. I cried with the anxiety of taking upon myself the welfare of these people and cried out for strength to love these people and push aside my humiliation, awkwardness and fear. But alongside that, I came out wanting to do that full-time some day. To invest myself fully into a lifestyle that is shaped by sacrifice. But I know I have to grow a lot, lot more for it not to break me, and to do that job to the best of my ability, with a greater commitment and heart and passion.

The other day, I even referred to myself as a woman, and I think that is a pretty big deal.

-Antonia

Eleven Month Review // June - July

And like that, the months rushed by and my crazy journey in London came to an end. I went to London and came back to find three housemates missing and only three days of work ahead of me, a celebration and then a speedy exit. Hoovering my room, stripping the bed, rearranging the room back to it's original deosng and shutting the door on the best experience of my life. I have LOVED writing these monthly reflections and it reminds me so tangibly of all the memories that I have made and how each month I have overcome struggles and found ways to enjoy my time in spite of the things I have disliked about my hear, and also to reflect on all the weird things I have shared, discovered and loved. This is the last of these posts and I can't wait to resume these kinds of posts at University, the next journey of my life, halfway through every term. This post will be a reflection of my last month (and a half!) and there is another coming on my reflections on the whole year!

1)      Weirdest thing you have seen in London this month?

This is not the weirdest thing that I have seen (because that kind of thing is very blurred living in such a diverse place) but my weirdest experience by far was being approached while I was on Tower Bridge at four in the morning by a bunch of random guys who wanted to take a picture with us. I would normally be the kind of person who would cut and run, especially as I was barefoot in my pyjamas with a duvet wrapped around me. However, my housemates are more outgoing and went the extra mile by posting it on facebook, prompting many confused questions from relatives. It was probably one of the strangest experiences ever. Warning to all: don’t go to Tower Bridge on Summer Solstace early in the morning (or, in fact, ever early in the morning) because there are strange people everywhere.

2)      Particular highlights of this month

Unfortunately the only pictures I have of said sunset are on my
phone, of which the quality is pretty abominable when I transfer
my images to PC, so these are taken from Instagram.

Honestly, this is a tough one as it spans longer than a month, and as my last few moments were treasured I did a lot of things to make my time count! Lucky for you, there is a prelude to the aforementioned creepy men on Tower Bridge incident. At 2am on that Saturday I got a knock on my door and behind it a very panicked housemate. There was a fire right outside our house in the building next door which resulted in us calling the fire brigade, setting off our fire alarm, being evacuated and standing on one of London’s main roads in our pyjamas, cradling crying babies. After around 20 minutes we were given the all clear but the building next door still had their fire alarm going. Turns out that, like the oven glove incident, I am pretty calm in a crisis and only got my adrenaline rush once I got back into bed an hour later, and could not for the life of me get to sleep. My room also smelt like smoke as I had opened my window to check the fire and as the nearest window to the patch, the smoke wafted in a great quantity into my room. The smell was choking me so I moved downstairs to our sofa and as the sun started to rise, decided that it was too good of an opportunity to miss. Along with two other eager housemates, we grabbed our duvets for warmth and watched the sunrise over the Thames on the longest day of the year. It was absolutely stunning and one of the best nights of my entire year. We got back and still couldn’t sleep, so ate breakfast at around five in the morning, watched a bit of telly and nodded off... only to wake up two hours later to head off to queue for West End Live, an annual event taking place in Trafalgar Square which I have gone to nearly every year of late. 

It was scorching and I was ridiculously tired but it was so much fun to watch some amazing performances from talented performers from musicals, many of them in full costume. We left at around three in the afternoon having not eaten anything since our early breakfast apart from some nuts and headed to Ed’s Diner for a burger, chips, onion rings and fresh water! Best. Day. Ever.

The only shot of the Les Mis set where there weren't 436204297 phones in the air.

I also had the priviledge of getting a pretty cheap ticket to see Mis Saigon the Musical (£15, absolute winner). I may have forgotten my glasses (d’oh!) but it was incredible nonetheless, the singing was so powerful. This was accompanied by a journey round Soho taking many a picture. Other Saturdays were spent brunching with housemates where I discovered the beauty of Bill’s, wandering round the Tate Modern and meeting up with some school friends to wander along the Thames in the pouring rain and diving into The Real Greek for some yummy meze, which we made last until the rain finished and we could commence. This evening ended up with us going on a further quest to find cheap theatre tickets by power-walking through the West End to various theatres. It was a blistering walk which was to no avail but I suppose it wore off the effects of the meze!

And, predictably, June (and a bit of July!) was filled with walks in summer evenings and some cracking world cup games, watched in the local pub with some chips. Yum.

3)      Favourite/least favourite part of your work this month?

It is hard to write this because I have struggled a lot with leaving over the last month, with emotions going from “I can’t wait to get out of here, this job is so hard” to “how could I ever leave such an amazing job to go to University, am I mad?”. However, I have had some amazing moments and on a day when I really broke down, so many people were there for me and showed me how grateful they were for the work I have been doing there. There was one particular moment which brings a tear to my eyes when I think about it. I received a hug from a colleague after she spotted me sneaking away for a little cry and I honestly felt such a wave of love from her. It is a difficult emotion to capture, but it changed the face of the rest of my time left. I have also enjoyed the excitement of change that my job is going through. After I leave there are so many new and exciting things to look forward to and it looks like the whole face of the place will change for the better. In a way, that’s also my least favourite part because I am leaving at a really pivotal moment for the business and it is changing in all the ways that I anticipated and longed for when I was struggling, which is frustrating as I can’t reap the benefits! However, that is also extremely humbling as I realise that sometimes you have to leave things behind and move on, even though I have found that process a long and sad one.

This month I have discovered some truly joyous salads in my tastebuds. Wild rice, grape, roasted veg, feta, pomegranate seeds and regular seeds to top it!

I almost forgot this, but I also filmed a section for a documentary this month inspired by the life that I have lead this past year. It is for an independent company and they are getting stories of Christian faith from all around the world from Christians in the 18-30s generation. It was such a load of fun to film in the basement of my work (watching the crew try to stifle their laughter made me feel like I was doing a good job) and there was free pizza, too. I think being an avid Youtube consumer it made me realise how fun it can be to talk to a camera about yourself and about issues that you think matter.

Some of my favourite food on the menu all in the same day - that kind of stuff makes it hard to leave a place. University meals will not be up to this standard (stodgy nightmares, apparently)

4)      Hardest part of your work this month?

Leaving. Oh my goodness. Leaving somewhere you feel like you own, have a huge passion for and want to see succeed is actually heartbreaking, especially when you have thrown yourself into everything for as many days as I was physically able to stand up for that long. I know I have so much more to give to every aspect of that work: to be more skilled, the love more, to relentlessly sacrifice, and I worry that I failed or wasted time. So leaving with twinges of disappointment is hard. Even more than that, however, is leaving the people who you have got to know in community, shared your life with, helped out with benefits or grappled with life’s deepest questions. Wrapping up those relationships, even potentially having to cut them off, is quite painful and complicated.

In honour of Wimbledon I indulged in far too many of these homemade scones with clotted cream and I don't really feel too bad about it.

5)      Would you kindly sum up your working month in three alliterative words/phrases?

Tiring, tearful, triumphant!

6)      Weird habits developed this month?

Don't be ridiculous, I'm far too settled, independent and together emotionally to have these weird habits every month...

7)      What are you missing most about home this month?

Honestly, I’ve been so swept up with leaving that I haven’t been missing home, but dreading going back!

From L-R: Me, Helen, Naomi, Anna, Mair, Emma and Ruth. A lovely bunch.

8)      Best Housemate moment?

To be quite fair, there have been far too many this month because we have been trying to spend all our moments together! Before my departure to Greece, which will be saved for a later blog post, my housemates got together for our final evening. Unfortunately I had felt unwell during the day due to the heat, but that didn’t stop us having an absolutely cracking barbeque, gathering together in our garden in the sun and playing ‘rounders’ with the bread roll leftovers. It was a lovely moment to truly appreciate all that these girls have done for me during the year providing much needed support and friendship and a heck of a lot of laughter. The evening rounded off with a trip to the Shard, but two of us didn’t feel up for it so stayed and chatted for hours until they got back. It reminded me that during the whole year, the best moments outside of work have been the simple ones in this house. We don’t often have times when we are all together (as proven by the fact that we had our last evening a week before I left and two weeks before they even finished!) so when we do, they are truly special.

Pudding included melted marshmallow in Oreos or chocolate in banana on the barbeque. I was not a fan of the latter - who wants a mushy banana when it's not being made into banana bread?

My housemate Ruth preparing for the bread!

9)      Discoveries this month?

How AMAZING wild rice salad is and in general how much I love a good salad, especially if it includes pomegranate seeds (sophistication?); Peach Iced Tea; the wonders of Bethel Music which have uplifted me through some tough nights; my addiction to crunching ice; stretchy baggy trousers (a true game changer in this heat); how much I really am like Miranda Hart’s caricature of herself; the joy of reading books for pleasure; my love of mountains; the glories of a really good burger. 

It's been a rather emotional time. More blog posts with my final snaps of London and reflections to follow up. I have a whole bank of ramblings still to shove on this space of the Internet.

So long for now,

-Antonia

London: Thoughts With No Obvious Title

One thing that I truly have regretted about this year is my lack of appreciation for the location in which I am living in this year. There are so many crevasses of London to explore and I’ve felt too tired or moody to explore them. Even in these beautiful evenings that have been falling across our skyline I’ve felt chained to the sofa with a book or a film. Last week, on the return from a stressful end to a day where I worked overtime with little breaks, I decided that a walk was what I needed and I took my camera along and turned it into a little exploration project of lots of places that were just fifteen minutes away from where I have been living.

In London, I have seen a lot of ugliness against the beautiful skylines, the engulfing transcendence of the River Thames, the fantastical mist, the movement and buzz of a tube or DLR or from the roof of a bus. I’ve seen broken people, broken youth, broken systems, broken emotions. I’ve seen modern-day poverty and my views and thoughts have been shaped and challenged. I have multiple times felt disgusted at these two opposing sides of London, conflicted in the way I deal with them and because of my heart for these people who are marginalised socially through communities or through class I have avoided what you might call ‘mainstream London’. This includes the museums where thousands of people come to visit artwork and artefacts worth hundreds or thousands or millions of pounds because when I go there. Why? Because I see this work and think of a lady who is driven to suicidal thoughts because in her disability she is rendered helpless and wonder if the money that someone will eventually buy this work for could be better invested in people, giving them a sense of hope or community that could contribute more to society. When I pay out to see theatre I think of people who can barely afford a TV licence. We berate them because all they seem to do is watch TV, but when you scratch the surface it is their loneliness which we cannot fix. That theatre ticket is their TV licence for 3-6 weeks, or their electric for 2 weeks. I am paying for an experience, they are paying for something that allows them to make food of taste and flavour which I never have to considered would not be available to me. When I buy a coffee, I see that £2-3 buying them a pint of milk, some butter, some bread, some basic tins. Worse, when I go out for a meal I see their weekly shop go down the drain in one meal and a glass of lemonade.

However, the way I have dealt with this is to shut myself off and play the pauper. I’ve been spending as frugally as if I were in their situation, shutting myself away from the culture because it makes me feel guilty that I can enjoy it and through this have started to trick myself into believing that I’m not some middle-class white girl from the suburbs. I try and make myself this hard, urban worker, scrimping and scraping when really, I am privileged. I do have the free time and the travelcard to immerse myself in London culture. I saved up all of last summer so I could enjoy all these opportunities in London, to see the beauty of it and take advantage of this opportunity. Guilt of where I came from, of my privilege, made me a recluse and judgemental of others. I don’t want to see London only with rose-tinted spectacles, but I don’t want to define the way I see London merely by the bad I see either.

As I took a walk around my local area, taking pictures of roses from the rose garden against the tower blocks in the background, seeing the Shard from behind trees, I had all these reflections and realised that God has always given us hope, beauty, reminders of his grace. I had been choosing not to see them. As I walked, talked to my housemate, and the sun set, I photographed the architecture, the cute little shop down the road, explored and found an abandoned pub, a restaurant, a coffee shop. I stepped into the warm air and saw missed opportunities because of my unnecessary frugality and self-imposed misery. I only have a few weeks left – and that is moving swiftly on. I’ve seen and recognised the broken pieces of London. I now intend to find the blessings, the grace, the community, the hope, the friendship-building, relationship-deepening meals and coffees, the galleries which increase my appreciation for creativity and variety and culture and history (stuff which God has blessed us with!). I want to squeeze out my time and make it worthwhile, all while still sharing my hearts with the broken as my day ‘job’ and serving a cracking flat white.

-Antonia

Eight Month Review // April - May

Although this hasn't been a ‘proper’ month of work as I have had my Easter time off, I have so little time left of my adventures in London that it feels extra important to document as much as I can of it before I forget. I have realised that no matter how hard I tried to remember everyone who I meet who was in need, or how I really felt when I first moved, or every funny moment that happened in London, the pace of life has chucked most of it out. Maybe our brain holds onto more than we search for which is why we need so many reminders: our past writings, our social media, our pictures and videos. And this is another! Even in my journal I do not comprehensibly write out parts of my life or things I have been doing so looking back on these allows me to see how much I’ve grown and remember all the amazing things that I have done this year, all the moments of friendship shared with old friends and new, all the moments of hardship that I have overcome or have been seasons which I have come out of the other side stronger for. I have reached the point where I have realised that this life I live now and am starting to thrive off will come to an end and it will be all change once more in October. More awkward beginnings to new friendships, settling back into a life where all my food is cooked for me (at least for my first year), moving to a new place (goodness gracious, the far north!) and actually having little routine compared to now. But since I still have three of these to go, I’d better stop thinking about the end and reminisce on the last month!

1) Weirdest thing you have seen in London this month?

I was walking home and saw a group of men all wearing those hats that hold two beers on either side. It made me chuckle because at first I thought that they looked like they were wearing Santa outfits in May and then because I thought that the contraption on their head made it look like they had antlers. I suppose one of the weirdest things also has to be the fact that one day my housemates and I all strolled down a busy main road with pans of soup, bowls of food and plates to the local park to eat dinner, just because we fancied it.

2) Particular highlights of this month?

I was off work for one week, which was a highlight in some respects: it allowed me to meet up for coffee with two of my closest friends and catch up with them. I miss both of them so much and it is so much harder to keep in contact with even your close friends when life is so busy and I am so lazy. Two of my friends from school also had a joint birthday picnic on my first Saturday back which was lovely but short-lived. Everyone brought food, and there was certainly an excess of strawberries which I took full advantage of, especially since they were chocolate covered. Annoyingly, I had just come back from a work trip to a conference two days before and had had a busy day on Good Friday (which was the day before) and was almost too shattered to really make the most of the fact that all of my friends were in one place as used to be so often the case. I just felt a bit overwhelmed and for this reason was part of a small party that went home early. Nevertheless, it was amazing to see that everyone was well, that everyone was enjoying the new stages in their lives and that in many ways old friendships were still going strong.

In my week off I also enjoyed the novelty of resting! I managed to read quite a few books that I had half-started before, but also less productively watched a whole season of New Girl. By the end of the week I was itching to get back to work because I felt so lazy. Since returning to London town I have enjoyed my first trip to Five Guys for my housemates birthday and made more than good use of their coca-cola machine as we concocted different flavours and tried to guess what was in the cup. Their chip portions are amazing (you don’t need any bigger than a regular) and you get free peanuts, too: I was sold. After this I returned to Trafalgar Square and we climbed Nelson’s column (as far as one can) and jumped onto the lions which guard it. It was a time full of ridiculous selfies and an evening well spent. I also spent the majority of the bank holiday weekend with my housemates. We went to the Southbank in the hope of free food from the excess amount of food stalls but ended up being crushed and faced with monstrous queues. Though our plan didn’t exactly work out we took the time to walk and talk as we walked along the river in the sunshine before heading off to go to One New Change at St Pauls: I had been there before but only in the dark and have to say that it is much better in the day as you aren’t greeted with a polluted skyline but a clear view of London for free! We then attempted to get some reduced fruit at Borough Market on our way home but failed. It was lovely just to take time in London walking around, appreciating the sunshine and drinking in our surroundings: too often people feel preoccupied in doing things that you don’t actually talk to who you are with or take notice of where you are.

This last weekend has been a favourite, as I met up with some friends from school who I hadn’t spoken to in ages. We sat in Camden Coffee House’s little garden round the back until it chucked it down with rain, and then in the downstairs of the coffee shop itself for hours before moving round to explore Camden. The rain scuppered our plans to go to Regent’s park and to enjoy the stalls properly (as did our lack of funds) so we dived into a Chinese restaurant where you sat on a cushion on the floor and then dangled your legs down into a hole in the floor where the table legs were. It was highly weird and when the waiters came over to take your order, you suddenly felt very small! We then got trapped in the rain (again) and decided to call out outside ramblings a day and headed off to Patisserie Valerie to eat cake and grab another coffee. This lasted another three and a half hours and it was honestly a really precious and rare time for me that I really treasure as I go into my week. It is a shame that these days are so occasional but it means that I appreciate these old friends even more and can celebrate in how their lives are evolving, changing and how they are growing as people. I didn’t get any pictures of this even though I dragged my camera around all day simply because I was enjoying their company so much. Times like that are worth not piercing with the glare of a camera lens and a pressure to smile.

3) Favourite part of your work this month?

Ah, it’s good to be back. I read a book called “Every Good Endeavour” by Tim Keller over my break and it revolutionised the way I approached the less-favourable tasks in my work such as the Monday morning cleaning, packing away deliveries etc. which can all be far too physical for a Monday morning! We also had loads of time to get out into the community and connect with lots of different people that we hadn’t seen for two weeks with us being away and having no time in the week before that. It’s a part of my work which I really value and sometimes if things are too busy in the running of the cafe we really have a limited time. I also got myself back into making coffees (how I missed getting it for free – I’m not paying £3 for that, thank you!) and perfecting my latte art. I have also been taking walks home for the last few weeks which has been a nice refreshing end to each day, especially since I have taken the opportunity to explore the posher side to where I work which is closer to the Thames and has all this amazing architecture to it, as well as cobbled streets (I do love a cobbled street). It’s a lot nicer than walking along the cycle highway!

This month has also been a more successful month for my latte art. I don't get as much time to practise as I would like so was stunned when I absent mindedly created this for myself one lunchtime!

Perks of working at a cafe: free Apple & Cinnamon cake. It is our fastest selling cake and freshly made and one of the only things the staff will willingly pay out for.

4) Least favourite part of your work this month?

Part of my work involved going to lectures and I suppose that I only realised that the amount of work is getting bigger and bigger a few days ago. We have lots of reading to do each week, coursework due and an exam to prepare for in June while we are still doing all the learning for it. It has the potential to be stressful if I don’t get on top of things soon and fitting it all around a 9-5 job which can be quite physically and emotionally draining doesn’t exactly motivate me when I could be in the lounge having a laugh with my housemates or watching a film together.

5) Hardest part of your work this month?

I think from now on it will be the lack of free time in the evenings and possibly weekends: especially when we are getting some glorious sunshine now! Also I think carrying some people’s emotional turmoil can be hard. We don’t just treat those we visit as clients who we need to find jobs for or help out on a surface level: we come alongside them as friends and get personal. It is a risk that we take so that we can share our lives with them and the most important thing in our lives: our faith in Christ. We are still struggling along with this lady who we have done so much for and who sometimes stubbornly doesn’t listen to our advice because she wants to go her own way – a way which we see doesn’t lead to the security which she desperately needs when her benefits inevitably run dry.

6) Would you kindly sum up your working month in three alliterative words/phrases?

Chuckles, chaos, chipper. Do love me some British slang. Do love me some words beginning with the sound 'ch'!

7) Weird habits developed this month?

Starting to read too many books and then, after about a week, neglecting them. I managed to finish two of them but then just starting three more within days of one another and now I find it hard to chose which one to read in the evening. I don't know why this has happened but I do know that now I don't feel like I can favour one book or another, so they will have to go on a rotation and I will have to finish them all at the same time.

8) What are you missing the most about home this month?

My sister! Her texts telling me of how she wants to squish Prince George are hilarious and I found the birthday card she gave me last year which had such witty comments inside and it made my day. I’ve had a bit of time to hang out with her but always among other family. It also makes me sad that she has just started her GCSE’s and I can’t be there for her in person, because I remember how stressed I was and how much I relied on the support of my family and even her, though she knew little of how I felt. I guess I’m now also missing my friends now I’ve ‘tasted and seen’ them (sounds weird, doesn’t it?) and the people that I was especially closest to.

9) Best housemate moment?

I feel like hanging out with my housemates that bit more this month has really lifted my mood – and not even going out with them but just those conversations on the sofa in the evening, reading our Bibles together in Potter’s Field (right by the River) and joking about funny town names or names of people in Biblical times, cooking together, eating breakfast together. It is the little things that make a big difference. I feel especially closer to another housemate than I have before this month and that is always lurvely. We also had our last house birthday yesterday and we had such a lovely evening eating, chatting, laughing in a very undignified manner (snorting and table slapping involved) and generally messing about. Many of us didn’t see one another for 3 weeks so it was good to have another big get together other than the Five Guys trip to just enjoy one another’s company.

10) Discoveries this month?

I finally bought the Of Monsters and Men album (it was £2!) and it is excellent and perfectly smooth and uplifting for walking home as the sun sets. Gosh, my life is a cliché at the moment! Also discovered are: agirlcalledjack.com (amazing cheap recipes, all costed out – how did I cook on budget before?); Five Guys; my lack of ability to read one book at a time (currently reading 3); soya milk; Camden Coffee house; Camden Market; the wonders of soundcloud.

... and on the note of Soundcloud, here is a song I have been loving. I have generally been loving listening to instrumentals since working at a cafe full of artist hipsters who play the most amazing remixes. This one I found all by myself and contains few lyrics but it just makes me feel hugely chilled out, like I want to pull up a deckchair and sit in the sun. Alas!

How has your month been? Hope you've had some amazing moments of friendship, too.

-Antonia

Seven Month Review // March - April

It is that time of the month where I ramble onto my self in a very indulgent and reflective manner about how I have spent my month! This has been a month where I have really started to feel comfortable in London, stopped pining for change and accepted my future plans. As I was chatting with a friend just yesterday I realised how much I have learnt over our time out of the security of a school environment and routine. We reminisced together about how our families have started to use our rooms as a dumping ground, how it feels weird being cooked for and cleaned after when we return home, and came to the realisation that we have moved on into adulthood and independence. We also shared our frustration at the fact that whenever we are home, we're not only stripped of our independence but literally cannot go out due to the expense of travel which we used to enjoy freely and for free with school oyster card systems. I went home twice this month and both times felt a joy at seeing my family but at the same time a sense of moving straight back into my past life and my past habits, becoming a relic of myself. It's a stage transition which I'm sure will continue to get weirder when I head off to Durham next year and only return home after 9 week terms!

Now that nonsensical ramble has ceased, on with the questions!

1) Weirdest thing you have seen in London this month?
I went to an exhibition at the ICA last week and walked into a film piece that literally blew my mind with its oddity. It was twenty minutes long and I didn’t stay for all of it because I was too preoccupied with how strange it was. I can’t even explain what it was like apart from the fact that it was based around a water theme and sometimes had random hashtags appear on the screen such as #supersurge and #swimjacobswim in all the most horrendous fonts you could think of. I kid you not.

2) Particular highlights of this month?

 Seeing a little more of my friends than usual. With them all returning back from University for their month long holidays (I’m jealous) it has been easier for me to see them, although still not as much as I would like. This month I have..

• Collected a free breakfast from various stalls at Borough Market early on a Saturday morning. There were muesli and granola testers, honey-covered pecans, Turkish delight, hot spiced chai tea and lots of bread and cheese! I ate so much that I almost couldn’t have fit lunch in (but we totally did). This day was topped off with a walk back to my place and chilling in my room drinking cups of tea. Most of my friends want to run rampage around London whenever they visit but this is was a local treat for me and a better way of catching up than running around everywhere trying to find things to do.
• Saw Once the Musical with a friend and was seriously mindblown about how much as cast of twelve people can achieve in terms of atmosphere and dance routines all while holding and playing instruments. The tube ads really do them justice! (for once)
• Helped my housemates run a quiz night for their trips to Ghana and Romania. And my team came joint-second!
• Climbed Monument, ate THE most delicious meal at Banana Tree and visited galleries into the night with Hope. It was a lovely treat after lecture days and one where I felt I was cultured as well as spending time with a fabulous friend.

I also went home for Mother’s day weekend and I have to say that I ate far too much food and was generally spoilt by my Mum when it should have been the other way round. It was great to see family again and take that time out of London and have a peaceful night’s sleep.

A wonderful salad from Borough Market! 

Snapping from Monument (far too many pictures to be included for this blog - this picture is courtesy of best bud, Hope!)

Quiz Night run by my housemates - it got even more packed than this and despite a debacle about a lack of rice for the curry, it was a smooth and hilarious evening!

3) Favourite part of your work this month?

Most definitely the event that we held on Saturday, and the fact that I managed to organise a huge part of it. As in November, the cafe held a Makers Market, but this time without all the Christmassy additions, just some Hot Cross Buns to remind us of the Easter story. I had a far more relaxed day than at Christmas chatting to all the people who I had been e-mailing since January getting organised and even managed to buy some treats for my friends. It was a day that I thoroughly enjoyed because it had a real sense of community engagement, with one woman commenting that “you just don’t find people round here like you do in this place”. There have been a few discouragements this month and things that I have taken too much to heart, but this was a day which was full of encouragement, although it was exhausting!

An example of some of the work sold at the Market I organised. This was one of my favourite stalls - everything looked Topshop but was all made ethically, by hand, and was incredibly unique! And it wasn't any more expensive, either..

4) Least favourite part of your work this month?

I can’t think of anything that I have actively disliked about my work this month apart from the fact that last week it was very difficult to get out into the community as we normally do due to a lot of things being thrown our way. But such is life.

5) Hardest part of your work this month?

Last month I opened up about being stuck in a rut of negative thoughts and I have to say  this continued for a while into this month and was combined with a lot of people who we work with suddenly becoming difficult or being taken into desperate situations. One lady in particular has, after us taking her to multiple advice centres and acting on her behalf to sort out her benefits and possible debt, decided to go her own way and reject this advice, and in turn has become difficult and thinks that we have offended her. It is hard to love difficult people, especially those who seem to slam doors in your face. In some ways, you feel manipulated: you've spent time eating with them, chatting to them, giving them your time and energy, all for them to decide that they didn’t need you. We are trusting in wisdom from above to deal with these hard times and to give us hearts that love the act of mercy so much that it flows from us abundantly and freely.


6) Would you kindly sum up your working month in three alliterative words/phrases?

Chuckles, challenges, cheerio! (British slang giving one a hearty goodbye. My manager transferred this month and all our housemates abandoned us!)

7) Weird habits developed this month?
I have found myself to be more of a freebie hunter than I thought. As I look back, I see myself leaping at any chance of a free meal that I could get over the past few months, such as in Borough Market, but this last week sent me into overdrive. Our freezers are being defrosted this week and the majority of my housemates are away, so that means leftovers! So far we have made a huge cottage pie, sausage casserole, pie and chips, nuggets and chips, chicken tikka masala and there is still more leftovers to use! I worry how we will eat it all (but I won’t say no to two dinners!)

8) What are you missing the most about home this month?
My sister! Her texts telling me of how she wants to squish Prince George are hilarious and I found the birthday card she gave me last year which had such witty comments inside and it made my day. I’ve had a bit of time to hang out with her but always among other family. Looking forward to spending more time together when I get my week off!

9) Best housemate moment?
These get more and more each month as our house grows closer and closer. We are starting to feel like a little broken family. This week there is only two of us not on our Easter break and you notice the difference: when I come down for breakfast I expect to see one person and they’re not there etc. We also happen to be the two maddest housemates and on Sunday night cry-laughed playing chess. The best moment of all, I would say, is celebrating a birthday in our living room with Chinese takeout playing Articulate (and the next days windy aftermath...)

A very blurry and bad quality picture, but one that somes up some of the hilarious and inspiring people I live with. It's pretty rare that we are all in the same room together for a whole evening dedicated to giggles and fun, so this was a picture I couldn't leave out!

10) Discoveries this month?
Granola, Rend Collective – The Art of Celebration (on repeat), Banana Tree restaurant,  Blackfriars station at sunset, Once the Musical, Chipotle, my love of freebies.

What are things that you have discovered this month? Let me know so we can discover together!

Hope you all had challenging and rewarding months,


-Antonia