Collecting memories

The most popular blogpost that I have done since September is by far the one showing you the results of my Summer Scrapbook, and so as I started to collect all my memories from my time in London (this blog included), I decided that it would be a fun project to document that process. I wanted this scrapbook to have a different feel to the one about summer. I feel like that scrapbook, with all it's girlyness and pastels was almost an ode to the bliss of summer which isn't really a reality. It is full of exciting trips and events and picnics but nothing about the grind of life. It was also my last summer after school and I had no idea what I was getting myself into this year or how I would mature so much, so fast. This scrapbook about my time in London intends to be slightly more documentary, a little darker in tone generally, and less frilly altogether to leave that teenager firmly behind me.

It took a lot of time to discover what kind of scrapbook I wanted. I looked on A Beautiful Mess and coveted their eco-scrapbooks, chipboard and all the rest. I used many blogs and scoured bloglovin' for people who had shared their scrapbooks for inspiration and tips on how to start. I went to an exhibition at the ICA in London which had a room with a few artists' scrapbooks in, too. For some reason, it was harder the second time around! However, it was worth it, and I have to say that this scrapbook is a lot more planned that before. One thing I didn't need to learn, however, was to hoarde the most random things. For years, I have kept all sorts of cards and letters and eventually had little use for them: this year was different! All those cards wishing me well? They have the most wonderful messages which are being pasted in next to images of London that I took in the first few months, or they will be pinned to a surface by a paperclip so that I can still keep each page looking neat and balanced. Even birthday cards from October that contained the blandest of well-wishes were useful. Some had coloured pages or prints that I could use as a mount to frame some of my photographs, some simply had amazing cover designs which I could cut up or just use as cute quotes to sit alongside some of my favourite pictures.

One thing I did learn was to plan my pages. This is something I did not do before at all, but this time I got my blu tac ready and once I had collected and sorted my initial pictures of my first few months, I started to pin down how I wanted them to be presented, and then found bits of cards, letters etc. that would fit neatly alongside them. For some reason the printing company I used but a black border around every picture which I had to cut out and then... I went a little crazy and cut some of my pictures into interesting shapes. This meant that the layout itself had to be pretty simple for some pages.

I also tried to group some photographs by theme. The page below all has blurred elements to the photographs and are some of my favourites of London. I have put a white piece of paper with the words "London is a blur to me" to give this page some cohesion, as well as it being a reflection of my feelings at the time and a homage to a blog post that I made on these photographs. I later added a bit of paper reminding me to actually write up an except from that blog post in that blank space. I am trying to create a way of tying in photographs which distinct memories and feelings and hopefully this starts the process of doing that!

I haven't planned what kind if backgrounds I want to use yet. I have some old wrapping paper from christmas (yep, I'm that kind of hoarder!) as well as some paper bags from shops that I plan to rip/ use as a mount for framing. You can see in the picture about that I found a gold patch on the back of a card and have used that to mount a photograph, too. I want to try and 'find' as much as I can: not only to save money, but to try and make this project which uses up so much paper a little bit more ethical! I have only planned the first few pages but in my break hope to do a lot more (including ordering another term's worth of photographs!)

Do you have any scrapbooking tips?

-Antonia

Giving

Recently I have been struck by the power of giving. In the work that I am doing, a lady who faces debt and has next to nothing was intent on showing us hospitality, on making us a meal to show her thanks for our friendship to her, the way we have cared and looked out for her. The urge to give was greater to her than her economic need. Some might call that foolish, and we did spend a lot of time trying to dissuade her until she became offended that we didn't want to come. Culturally, our rejection of that gift was also a rejection of her friendship, even though it was with the best intentions.

As I pondered this, I realised that if I were in the same situation, I would not have been inclined to think the same way. I probably would have spiralled into self-pity and expected others to help me. I certainly wouldn't have gone out of my way to give to someone if I barely had money to keep myself financially stable. Indeed, I am not in that situation at all and yet I fail to give as much as I can. It was when I realised this that I remembered that I hadn't given blood in six months and within the next two weeks booked to give blood.

The only time that I could do so was on a Monday afternoon in a mobile vehicle in the Asda car park on the Old Kent Road. I was more used to a comfy bed in a church hall, but this was a cramped caravan which rocked every time someone got on and off the vehicle, meaning that the needle moved inside my vein. It was probably the least pleasant blood-giving experience I have had, and it took about three hours including travelling there and back on the bus, standing in line for the blood test, waiting for a bed to be free, for my blood to be taken, and for me to finish my packet of crisps to make sure I didn't faint as the woman before me had. Even as I vowed to myself that I would never do that again, I still realised that the time I had put it and the blood I have given (especially as an O- blood type) would be valuable in saving someone's life. I quickly remembered that the point of giving, whether it be your time, your money, your blood, your energy, your listening, is never so that you can get something out of it, or have a nice experience, or experience that lovely feeling. Sometimes that feeling doesn't really come! The point of giving is to do it with joy in spite of whether you benefit from it or now, knowing that it serving another human. To an extent, giving is sacrificial at heart, but it is no worthy sacrifice if done begrudgingly.

I know that the thing I am worst at giving is my time. I hate wasting time if I feel like I could have done something productive, and even more so if it costs me money while I was doing it. Yesterday, I had to push all these instincts to one side. I walked for half of my journey to meet a friend to avoid a bus fare, leaving ridiculously early in the morning to do so. I ended up staying with her for a lot longer than I intended, which scuppered all my carefully timetabled travels. I then spent over an hour on public transport crossing from Zone 5 to Zone 1 (which in London is expensive!) in order to pick up a gift for someone and repay someone some money. It wasn't necessary to have done it that week, but I felt compelled in my responsibility to give and to show love and care to those people; I simply had to do it. When I arrived, I couldn't find the gift. I thought that all my careful planning and worrying was in vain. After about 45 minutes, it was retrieved. It took me an hour and a half to get home on public transport. I had been out for 9 hours by the time I got back and had 'achieved' very little in that time. On the surface, it was a wasted day. But I knew in those hours of travelling, walking to avoid fares, worrying over everything that I was doing it not for myself but for the sake of others.

I wasn't, however, much in the mood to make my family dinner, so I still have a lot of work to do!

How do you like to show the power of giving to others in your life?

-Antonia

Seven Month Review // March - April

It is that time of the month where I ramble onto my self in a very indulgent and reflective manner about how I have spent my month! This has been a month where I have really started to feel comfortable in London, stopped pining for change and accepted my future plans. As I was chatting with a friend just yesterday I realised how much I have learnt over our time out of the security of a school environment and routine. We reminisced together about how our families have started to use our rooms as a dumping ground, how it feels weird being cooked for and cleaned after when we return home, and came to the realisation that we have moved on into adulthood and independence. We also shared our frustration at the fact that whenever we are home, we're not only stripped of our independence but literally cannot go out due to the expense of travel which we used to enjoy freely and for free with school oyster card systems. I went home twice this month and both times felt a joy at seeing my family but at the same time a sense of moving straight back into my past life and my past habits, becoming a relic of myself. It's a stage transition which I'm sure will continue to get weirder when I head off to Durham next year and only return home after 9 week terms!

Now that nonsensical ramble has ceased, on with the questions!

1) Weirdest thing you have seen in London this month?
I went to an exhibition at the ICA last week and walked into a film piece that literally blew my mind with its oddity. It was twenty minutes long and I didn’t stay for all of it because I was too preoccupied with how strange it was. I can’t even explain what it was like apart from the fact that it was based around a water theme and sometimes had random hashtags appear on the screen such as #supersurge and #swimjacobswim in all the most horrendous fonts you could think of. I kid you not.

2) Particular highlights of this month?

 Seeing a little more of my friends than usual. With them all returning back from University for their month long holidays (I’m jealous) it has been easier for me to see them, although still not as much as I would like. This month I have..

• Collected a free breakfast from various stalls at Borough Market early on a Saturday morning. There were muesli and granola testers, honey-covered pecans, Turkish delight, hot spiced chai tea and lots of bread and cheese! I ate so much that I almost couldn’t have fit lunch in (but we totally did). This day was topped off with a walk back to my place and chilling in my room drinking cups of tea. Most of my friends want to run rampage around London whenever they visit but this is was a local treat for me and a better way of catching up than running around everywhere trying to find things to do.
• Saw Once the Musical with a friend and was seriously mindblown about how much as cast of twelve people can achieve in terms of atmosphere and dance routines all while holding and playing instruments. The tube ads really do them justice! (for once)
• Helped my housemates run a quiz night for their trips to Ghana and Romania. And my team came joint-second!
• Climbed Monument, ate THE most delicious meal at Banana Tree and visited galleries into the night with Hope. It was a lovely treat after lecture days and one where I felt I was cultured as well as spending time with a fabulous friend.

I also went home for Mother’s day weekend and I have to say that I ate far too much food and was generally spoilt by my Mum when it should have been the other way round. It was great to see family again and take that time out of London and have a peaceful night’s sleep.

A wonderful salad from Borough Market! 

Snapping from Monument (far too many pictures to be included for this blog - this picture is courtesy of best bud, Hope!)

Quiz Night run by my housemates - it got even more packed than this and despite a debacle about a lack of rice for the curry, it was a smooth and hilarious evening!

3) Favourite part of your work this month?

Most definitely the event that we held on Saturday, and the fact that I managed to organise a huge part of it. As in November, the cafe held a Makers Market, but this time without all the Christmassy additions, just some Hot Cross Buns to remind us of the Easter story. I had a far more relaxed day than at Christmas chatting to all the people who I had been e-mailing since January getting organised and even managed to buy some treats for my friends. It was a day that I thoroughly enjoyed because it had a real sense of community engagement, with one woman commenting that “you just don’t find people round here like you do in this place”. There have been a few discouragements this month and things that I have taken too much to heart, but this was a day which was full of encouragement, although it was exhausting!

An example of some of the work sold at the Market I organised. This was one of my favourite stalls - everything looked Topshop but was all made ethically, by hand, and was incredibly unique! And it wasn't any more expensive, either..

4) Least favourite part of your work this month?

I can’t think of anything that I have actively disliked about my work this month apart from the fact that last week it was very difficult to get out into the community as we normally do due to a lot of things being thrown our way. But such is life.

5) Hardest part of your work this month?

Last month I opened up about being stuck in a rut of negative thoughts and I have to say  this continued for a while into this month and was combined with a lot of people who we work with suddenly becoming difficult or being taken into desperate situations. One lady in particular has, after us taking her to multiple advice centres and acting on her behalf to sort out her benefits and possible debt, decided to go her own way and reject this advice, and in turn has become difficult and thinks that we have offended her. It is hard to love difficult people, especially those who seem to slam doors in your face. In some ways, you feel manipulated: you've spent time eating with them, chatting to them, giving them your time and energy, all for them to decide that they didn’t need you. We are trusting in wisdom from above to deal with these hard times and to give us hearts that love the act of mercy so much that it flows from us abundantly and freely.


6) Would you kindly sum up your working month in three alliterative words/phrases?

Chuckles, challenges, cheerio! (British slang giving one a hearty goodbye. My manager transferred this month and all our housemates abandoned us!)

7) Weird habits developed this month?
I have found myself to be more of a freebie hunter than I thought. As I look back, I see myself leaping at any chance of a free meal that I could get over the past few months, such as in Borough Market, but this last week sent me into overdrive. Our freezers are being defrosted this week and the majority of my housemates are away, so that means leftovers! So far we have made a huge cottage pie, sausage casserole, pie and chips, nuggets and chips, chicken tikka masala and there is still more leftovers to use! I worry how we will eat it all (but I won’t say no to two dinners!)

8) What are you missing the most about home this month?
My sister! Her texts telling me of how she wants to squish Prince George are hilarious and I found the birthday card she gave me last year which had such witty comments inside and it made my day. I’ve had a bit of time to hang out with her but always among other family. Looking forward to spending more time together when I get my week off!

9) Best housemate moment?
These get more and more each month as our house grows closer and closer. We are starting to feel like a little broken family. This week there is only two of us not on our Easter break and you notice the difference: when I come down for breakfast I expect to see one person and they’re not there etc. We also happen to be the two maddest housemates and on Sunday night cry-laughed playing chess. The best moment of all, I would say, is celebrating a birthday in our living room with Chinese takeout playing Articulate (and the next days windy aftermath...)

A very blurry and bad quality picture, but one that somes up some of the hilarious and inspiring people I live with. It's pretty rare that we are all in the same room together for a whole evening dedicated to giggles and fun, so this was a picture I couldn't leave out!

10) Discoveries this month?
Granola, Rend Collective – The Art of Celebration (on repeat), Banana Tree restaurant,  Blackfriars station at sunset, Once the Musical, Chipotle, my love of freebies.

What are things that you have discovered this month? Let me know so we can discover together!

Hope you all had challenging and rewarding months,


-Antonia

VlogMash Vol.1

One thing that I won’t readily admit to people is that I have a small addiction to watching Youtube. Many people who are not part of that community (which, to my shame, mainly consists of 13-17 year old crazy pubescent fangirls) think that this involves watching viral videos, laughing at people falling over and the like. But actually, my Youtube habit has become so frequent that it has replaced the amount of TV I use in many respects and has broadened my appreciation of many new different types of mediums such as short film. The kind of youtubers I watch vary from sketch comedians, daily vloggers, filmmakers and the general ‘vloggers’. 

While many of the videos I watch are purely for entertainment, some of the Youtube community use their influence in amazing ways. Recently, a channel called JacksGap (a channel which was started by this lad called Jack to document his gap year, who was later joined by his twin brother, Finn) moved from making videos trying to get Americans to guess what British slang meant, to stylishly documenting in four installations the Rickshaw Run across India he, his brother, fellow Youtubers and friends did in Autumn 2013. Together, they raised a six-figure sum for Teenage Cancer Trust. Many Youtubers have also made videos talking about their issues with depression, anxiety and the like, and by doing so have helped many to feel less alone if they are struggling with these issues. They have in many ways become celebrities, especially those who have embedded themselves into so-called ‘old media’ alongside their channels, such as and men behind the channels ‘danisnotonfire’ and ‘AmazingPhil’, who have become DJ’s on Radio One on Sunday evenings (and even won an award for it!). In other words, the world of Youtube has become pretty impressive and there are ordinary people who, through their own hard work, have created jobs for themselves in a way which no other generation has.

To celebrate this, and indulge in my own obsession a little, I have decided to include a few of my favourite videos in occasional posts under a few titles. This first post will have a range of videos probably made over the last year and really are videos that have stood out among the thousands that I have probably watched.

1) The One that made me cry with laughter

Yep, this is the ‘AmazingPhil’ that I mentioned earlier. This is one of the videos that I have honestly watched multiple times and I never fail to crack up at this poor man’s desperate past, the atrocious grammar (which I have to admit that I used) and the way that people of such a young age used to use the word ‘hun’ or ‘babe’. I used those words more when I was 10 or 11 than I ever did as a teenager or young adult. There are two more videos of similar comedy gold and I genuinely find Phil a hugely endearing character who I can't help but watch.

2) The Role Model

Louise, known as SprinkleofGlitter on Youtube, is very much a role model to many. She is a person who in past vlogs has told a beautiful story of how she came to faith in Christianity through an Alpha course and this faith shines through in her personality, the way she treats others so visually online, and videos such as this which I believe are hugely important. I do believe that this video even got onto the news and I remember avidly sharing it around for awareness of many who I have known that have hurt themselves. I am glad that her well-rounded videos and positivity is entering the lives of such a young audience, as well as these important issues. She is also not afraid to admit her moments of completely tomfoolery (see one of her most recent videos about having a breakdown after meeting Kylie Minogue) and it is for her normality and humility that I continue to watch her.

3) The Short Film

Ah, KickthePJ. I could literally have given you any of his short films. They are full of vivid colour, crazy imagination and are generally barmy. His films are generally extremely entertaining, humorous and yet incredibly well done and presented. Many of them also include a rather swish voiceover. Even his vlogs and the way which he puts his take on the ever-growing ‘tag’ trend on Youtube -which has become so incredibly boring unless done creatively- makes him completely unique on the Youtube scene. I mean, who does a tour of their toilet (known, quite seriously, as the “Toilet Tag”) and makes it engaging and even fascinating?  

4) The Inspiration

This one makes me angry as well as hugely inspired simply because this is the work of 16-year old Bertie Gilbert who decided to drop out of schooling post-GCSE’s to concentrate on honing his love for film. His shorts are interesting and are clearly influenced by Wes Anderson in many ways, and are pretty refreshing to watch compared to the formulaic blockbusters that are thrown in the faces of the gullible public every year. This video is more of an experimental video and doesn’t, by Bertie Gilbert’s own admission, have a particularly meaning or story. The fact that these moments were just edited together in some kind of homage to old movies and this forgotten state of Britain, yet was published on this hugely progressive media and interpreted by thousands in the comment section, is considerably clever, bold and brave.

5) The NewTuber

Oh, Aniamags. Having been subscribed to you for a year now, I have watched you grow to nearly 10,000 subscribers through your wit and general sass. Moving from videos where she used to joke about the guy she killed and analysing lyrics of popular songs -exposing many of them to be completely incomprehensible all the while- to her latter day videos talking about whatever takes her fancy. While many might see her videos as a little bratty, she has an on camera satire and presence which is pretty unique from others that I watch. Her latest videos remind me of when Youtube was a smaller community and videos did literally used to be talking to a camera without a script, amazing lighting, a fancy apartment fire in the background and perfect articulation that puts most television presenters to shame. They are authentic. And recently, she posted the above video bravely opening up, if only a little, about eating disorders. Which makes her, like, cool.

Hope you enjoyed this post! Do you have any videos or youtubers to recommend me? Any videos that have struck you, helped you or inspired you recently? Let me know in the comments!

-Antonia