Eleven Month Review // June - July

And like that, the months rushed by and my crazy journey in London came to an end. I went to London and came back to find three housemates missing and only three days of work ahead of me, a celebration and then a speedy exit. Hoovering my room, stripping the bed, rearranging the room back to it's original deosng and shutting the door on the best experience of my life. I have LOVED writing these monthly reflections and it reminds me so tangibly of all the memories that I have made and how each month I have overcome struggles and found ways to enjoy my time in spite of the things I have disliked about my hear, and also to reflect on all the weird things I have shared, discovered and loved. This is the last of these posts and I can't wait to resume these kinds of posts at University, the next journey of my life, halfway through every term. This post will be a reflection of my last month (and a half!) and there is another coming on my reflections on the whole year!

1)      Weirdest thing you have seen in London this month?

This is not the weirdest thing that I have seen (because that kind of thing is very blurred living in such a diverse place) but my weirdest experience by far was being approached while I was on Tower Bridge at four in the morning by a bunch of random guys who wanted to take a picture with us. I would normally be the kind of person who would cut and run, especially as I was barefoot in my pyjamas with a duvet wrapped around me. However, my housemates are more outgoing and went the extra mile by posting it on facebook, prompting many confused questions from relatives. It was probably one of the strangest experiences ever. Warning to all: don’t go to Tower Bridge on Summer Solstace early in the morning (or, in fact, ever early in the morning) because there are strange people everywhere.

2)      Particular highlights of this month

Unfortunately the only pictures I have of said sunset are on my
phone, of which the quality is pretty abominable when I transfer
my images to PC, so these are taken from Instagram.

Honestly, this is a tough one as it spans longer than a month, and as my last few moments were treasured I did a lot of things to make my time count! Lucky for you, there is a prelude to the aforementioned creepy men on Tower Bridge incident. At 2am on that Saturday I got a knock on my door and behind it a very panicked housemate. There was a fire right outside our house in the building next door which resulted in us calling the fire brigade, setting off our fire alarm, being evacuated and standing on one of London’s main roads in our pyjamas, cradling crying babies. After around 20 minutes we were given the all clear but the building next door still had their fire alarm going. Turns out that, like the oven glove incident, I am pretty calm in a crisis and only got my adrenaline rush once I got back into bed an hour later, and could not for the life of me get to sleep. My room also smelt like smoke as I had opened my window to check the fire and as the nearest window to the patch, the smoke wafted in a great quantity into my room. The smell was choking me so I moved downstairs to our sofa and as the sun started to rise, decided that it was too good of an opportunity to miss. Along with two other eager housemates, we grabbed our duvets for warmth and watched the sunrise over the Thames on the longest day of the year. It was absolutely stunning and one of the best nights of my entire year. We got back and still couldn’t sleep, so ate breakfast at around five in the morning, watched a bit of telly and nodded off... only to wake up two hours later to head off to queue for West End Live, an annual event taking place in Trafalgar Square which I have gone to nearly every year of late. 

It was scorching and I was ridiculously tired but it was so much fun to watch some amazing performances from talented performers from musicals, many of them in full costume. We left at around three in the afternoon having not eaten anything since our early breakfast apart from some nuts and headed to Ed’s Diner for a burger, chips, onion rings and fresh water! Best. Day. Ever.

The only shot of the Les Mis set where there weren't 436204297 phones in the air.

I also had the priviledge of getting a pretty cheap ticket to see Mis Saigon the Musical (£15, absolute winner). I may have forgotten my glasses (d’oh!) but it was incredible nonetheless, the singing was so powerful. This was accompanied by a journey round Soho taking many a picture. Other Saturdays were spent brunching with housemates where I discovered the beauty of Bill’s, wandering round the Tate Modern and meeting up with some school friends to wander along the Thames in the pouring rain and diving into The Real Greek for some yummy meze, which we made last until the rain finished and we could commence. This evening ended up with us going on a further quest to find cheap theatre tickets by power-walking through the West End to various theatres. It was a blistering walk which was to no avail but I suppose it wore off the effects of the meze!

And, predictably, June (and a bit of July!) was filled with walks in summer evenings and some cracking world cup games, watched in the local pub with some chips. Yum.

3)      Favourite/least favourite part of your work this month?

It is hard to write this because I have struggled a lot with leaving over the last month, with emotions going from “I can’t wait to get out of here, this job is so hard” to “how could I ever leave such an amazing job to go to University, am I mad?”. However, I have had some amazing moments and on a day when I really broke down, so many people were there for me and showed me how grateful they were for the work I have been doing there. There was one particular moment which brings a tear to my eyes when I think about it. I received a hug from a colleague after she spotted me sneaking away for a little cry and I honestly felt such a wave of love from her. It is a difficult emotion to capture, but it changed the face of the rest of my time left. I have also enjoyed the excitement of change that my job is going through. After I leave there are so many new and exciting things to look forward to and it looks like the whole face of the place will change for the better. In a way, that’s also my least favourite part because I am leaving at a really pivotal moment for the business and it is changing in all the ways that I anticipated and longed for when I was struggling, which is frustrating as I can’t reap the benefits! However, that is also extremely humbling as I realise that sometimes you have to leave things behind and move on, even though I have found that process a long and sad one.

This month I have discovered some truly joyous salads in my tastebuds. Wild rice, grape, roasted veg, feta, pomegranate seeds and regular seeds to top it!

I almost forgot this, but I also filmed a section for a documentary this month inspired by the life that I have lead this past year. It is for an independent company and they are getting stories of Christian faith from all around the world from Christians in the 18-30s generation. It was such a load of fun to film in the basement of my work (watching the crew try to stifle their laughter made me feel like I was doing a good job) and there was free pizza, too. I think being an avid Youtube consumer it made me realise how fun it can be to talk to a camera about yourself and about issues that you think matter.

Some of my favourite food on the menu all in the same day - that kind of stuff makes it hard to leave a place. University meals will not be up to this standard (stodgy nightmares, apparently)

4)      Hardest part of your work this month?

Leaving. Oh my goodness. Leaving somewhere you feel like you own, have a huge passion for and want to see succeed is actually heartbreaking, especially when you have thrown yourself into everything for as many days as I was physically able to stand up for that long. I know I have so much more to give to every aspect of that work: to be more skilled, the love more, to relentlessly sacrifice, and I worry that I failed or wasted time. So leaving with twinges of disappointment is hard. Even more than that, however, is leaving the people who you have got to know in community, shared your life with, helped out with benefits or grappled with life’s deepest questions. Wrapping up those relationships, even potentially having to cut them off, is quite painful and complicated.

In honour of Wimbledon I indulged in far too many of these homemade scones with clotted cream and I don't really feel too bad about it.

5)      Would you kindly sum up your working month in three alliterative words/phrases?

Tiring, tearful, triumphant!

6)      Weird habits developed this month?

Don't be ridiculous, I'm far too settled, independent and together emotionally to have these weird habits every month...

7)      What are you missing most about home this month?

Honestly, I’ve been so swept up with leaving that I haven’t been missing home, but dreading going back!

From L-R: Me, Helen, Naomi, Anna, Mair, Emma and Ruth. A lovely bunch.

8)      Best Housemate moment?

To be quite fair, there have been far too many this month because we have been trying to spend all our moments together! Before my departure to Greece, which will be saved for a later blog post, my housemates got together for our final evening. Unfortunately I had felt unwell during the day due to the heat, but that didn’t stop us having an absolutely cracking barbeque, gathering together in our garden in the sun and playing ‘rounders’ with the bread roll leftovers. It was a lovely moment to truly appreciate all that these girls have done for me during the year providing much needed support and friendship and a heck of a lot of laughter. The evening rounded off with a trip to the Shard, but two of us didn’t feel up for it so stayed and chatted for hours until they got back. It reminded me that during the whole year, the best moments outside of work have been the simple ones in this house. We don’t often have times when we are all together (as proven by the fact that we had our last evening a week before I left and two weeks before they even finished!) so when we do, they are truly special.

Pudding included melted marshmallow in Oreos or chocolate in banana on the barbeque. I was not a fan of the latter - who wants a mushy banana when it's not being made into banana bread?

My housemate Ruth preparing for the bread!

9)      Discoveries this month?

How AMAZING wild rice salad is and in general how much I love a good salad, especially if it includes pomegranate seeds (sophistication?); Peach Iced Tea; the wonders of Bethel Music which have uplifted me through some tough nights; my addiction to crunching ice; stretchy baggy trousers (a true game changer in this heat); how much I really am like Miranda Hart’s caricature of herself; the joy of reading books for pleasure; my love of mountains; the glories of a really good burger. 

It's been a rather emotional time. More blog posts with my final snaps of London and reflections to follow up. I have a whole bank of ramblings still to shove on this space of the Internet.

So long for now,

-Antonia

London: Thoughts With No Obvious Title

One thing that I truly have regretted about this year is my lack of appreciation for the location in which I am living in this year. There are so many crevasses of London to explore and I’ve felt too tired or moody to explore them. Even in these beautiful evenings that have been falling across our skyline I’ve felt chained to the sofa with a book or a film. Last week, on the return from a stressful end to a day where I worked overtime with little breaks, I decided that a walk was what I needed and I took my camera along and turned it into a little exploration project of lots of places that were just fifteen minutes away from where I have been living.

In London, I have seen a lot of ugliness against the beautiful skylines, the engulfing transcendence of the River Thames, the fantastical mist, the movement and buzz of a tube or DLR or from the roof of a bus. I’ve seen broken people, broken youth, broken systems, broken emotions. I’ve seen modern-day poverty and my views and thoughts have been shaped and challenged. I have multiple times felt disgusted at these two opposing sides of London, conflicted in the way I deal with them and because of my heart for these people who are marginalised socially through communities or through class I have avoided what you might call ‘mainstream London’. This includes the museums where thousands of people come to visit artwork and artefacts worth hundreds or thousands or millions of pounds because when I go there. Why? Because I see this work and think of a lady who is driven to suicidal thoughts because in her disability she is rendered helpless and wonder if the money that someone will eventually buy this work for could be better invested in people, giving them a sense of hope or community that could contribute more to society. When I pay out to see theatre I think of people who can barely afford a TV licence. We berate them because all they seem to do is watch TV, but when you scratch the surface it is their loneliness which we cannot fix. That theatre ticket is their TV licence for 3-6 weeks, or their electric for 2 weeks. I am paying for an experience, they are paying for something that allows them to make food of taste and flavour which I never have to considered would not be available to me. When I buy a coffee, I see that £2-3 buying them a pint of milk, some butter, some bread, some basic tins. Worse, when I go out for a meal I see their weekly shop go down the drain in one meal and a glass of lemonade.

However, the way I have dealt with this is to shut myself off and play the pauper. I’ve been spending as frugally as if I were in their situation, shutting myself away from the culture because it makes me feel guilty that I can enjoy it and through this have started to trick myself into believing that I’m not some middle-class white girl from the suburbs. I try and make myself this hard, urban worker, scrimping and scraping when really, I am privileged. I do have the free time and the travelcard to immerse myself in London culture. I saved up all of last summer so I could enjoy all these opportunities in London, to see the beauty of it and take advantage of this opportunity. Guilt of where I came from, of my privilege, made me a recluse and judgemental of others. I don’t want to see London only with rose-tinted spectacles, but I don’t want to define the way I see London merely by the bad I see either.

As I took a walk around my local area, taking pictures of roses from the rose garden against the tower blocks in the background, seeing the Shard from behind trees, I had all these reflections and realised that God has always given us hope, beauty, reminders of his grace. I had been choosing not to see them. As I walked, talked to my housemate, and the sun set, I photographed the architecture, the cute little shop down the road, explored and found an abandoned pub, a restaurant, a coffee shop. I stepped into the warm air and saw missed opportunities because of my unnecessary frugality and self-imposed misery. I only have a few weeks left – and that is moving swiftly on. I’ve seen and recognised the broken pieces of London. I now intend to find the blessings, the grace, the community, the hope, the friendship-building, relationship-deepening meals and coffees, the galleries which increase my appreciation for creativity and variety and culture and history (stuff which God has blessed us with!). I want to squeeze out my time and make it worthwhile, all while still sharing my hearts with the broken as my day ‘job’ and serving a cracking flat white.

-Antonia

Eight Month Review // April - May

Although this hasn't been a ‘proper’ month of work as I have had my Easter time off, I have so little time left of my adventures in London that it feels extra important to document as much as I can of it before I forget. I have realised that no matter how hard I tried to remember everyone who I meet who was in need, or how I really felt when I first moved, or every funny moment that happened in London, the pace of life has chucked most of it out. Maybe our brain holds onto more than we search for which is why we need so many reminders: our past writings, our social media, our pictures and videos. And this is another! Even in my journal I do not comprehensibly write out parts of my life or things I have been doing so looking back on these allows me to see how much I’ve grown and remember all the amazing things that I have done this year, all the moments of friendship shared with old friends and new, all the moments of hardship that I have overcome or have been seasons which I have come out of the other side stronger for. I have reached the point where I have realised that this life I live now and am starting to thrive off will come to an end and it will be all change once more in October. More awkward beginnings to new friendships, settling back into a life where all my food is cooked for me (at least for my first year), moving to a new place (goodness gracious, the far north!) and actually having little routine compared to now. But since I still have three of these to go, I’d better stop thinking about the end and reminisce on the last month!

1) Weirdest thing you have seen in London this month?

I was walking home and saw a group of men all wearing those hats that hold two beers on either side. It made me chuckle because at first I thought that they looked like they were wearing Santa outfits in May and then because I thought that the contraption on their head made it look like they had antlers. I suppose one of the weirdest things also has to be the fact that one day my housemates and I all strolled down a busy main road with pans of soup, bowls of food and plates to the local park to eat dinner, just because we fancied it.

2) Particular highlights of this month?

I was off work for one week, which was a highlight in some respects: it allowed me to meet up for coffee with two of my closest friends and catch up with them. I miss both of them so much and it is so much harder to keep in contact with even your close friends when life is so busy and I am so lazy. Two of my friends from school also had a joint birthday picnic on my first Saturday back which was lovely but short-lived. Everyone brought food, and there was certainly an excess of strawberries which I took full advantage of, especially since they were chocolate covered. Annoyingly, I had just come back from a work trip to a conference two days before and had had a busy day on Good Friday (which was the day before) and was almost too shattered to really make the most of the fact that all of my friends were in one place as used to be so often the case. I just felt a bit overwhelmed and for this reason was part of a small party that went home early. Nevertheless, it was amazing to see that everyone was well, that everyone was enjoying the new stages in their lives and that in many ways old friendships were still going strong.

In my week off I also enjoyed the novelty of resting! I managed to read quite a few books that I had half-started before, but also less productively watched a whole season of New Girl. By the end of the week I was itching to get back to work because I felt so lazy. Since returning to London town I have enjoyed my first trip to Five Guys for my housemates birthday and made more than good use of their coca-cola machine as we concocted different flavours and tried to guess what was in the cup. Their chip portions are amazing (you don’t need any bigger than a regular) and you get free peanuts, too: I was sold. After this I returned to Trafalgar Square and we climbed Nelson’s column (as far as one can) and jumped onto the lions which guard it. It was a time full of ridiculous selfies and an evening well spent. I also spent the majority of the bank holiday weekend with my housemates. We went to the Southbank in the hope of free food from the excess amount of food stalls but ended up being crushed and faced with monstrous queues. Though our plan didn’t exactly work out we took the time to walk and talk as we walked along the river in the sunshine before heading off to go to One New Change at St Pauls: I had been there before but only in the dark and have to say that it is much better in the day as you aren’t greeted with a polluted skyline but a clear view of London for free! We then attempted to get some reduced fruit at Borough Market on our way home but failed. It was lovely just to take time in London walking around, appreciating the sunshine and drinking in our surroundings: too often people feel preoccupied in doing things that you don’t actually talk to who you are with or take notice of where you are.

This last weekend has been a favourite, as I met up with some friends from school who I hadn’t spoken to in ages. We sat in Camden Coffee House’s little garden round the back until it chucked it down with rain, and then in the downstairs of the coffee shop itself for hours before moving round to explore Camden. The rain scuppered our plans to go to Regent’s park and to enjoy the stalls properly (as did our lack of funds) so we dived into a Chinese restaurant where you sat on a cushion on the floor and then dangled your legs down into a hole in the floor where the table legs were. It was highly weird and when the waiters came over to take your order, you suddenly felt very small! We then got trapped in the rain (again) and decided to call out outside ramblings a day and headed off to Patisserie Valerie to eat cake and grab another coffee. This lasted another three and a half hours and it was honestly a really precious and rare time for me that I really treasure as I go into my week. It is a shame that these days are so occasional but it means that I appreciate these old friends even more and can celebrate in how their lives are evolving, changing and how they are growing as people. I didn’t get any pictures of this even though I dragged my camera around all day simply because I was enjoying their company so much. Times like that are worth not piercing with the glare of a camera lens and a pressure to smile.

3) Favourite part of your work this month?

Ah, it’s good to be back. I read a book called “Every Good Endeavour” by Tim Keller over my break and it revolutionised the way I approached the less-favourable tasks in my work such as the Monday morning cleaning, packing away deliveries etc. which can all be far too physical for a Monday morning! We also had loads of time to get out into the community and connect with lots of different people that we hadn’t seen for two weeks with us being away and having no time in the week before that. It’s a part of my work which I really value and sometimes if things are too busy in the running of the cafe we really have a limited time. I also got myself back into making coffees (how I missed getting it for free – I’m not paying £3 for that, thank you!) and perfecting my latte art. I have also been taking walks home for the last few weeks which has been a nice refreshing end to each day, especially since I have taken the opportunity to explore the posher side to where I work which is closer to the Thames and has all this amazing architecture to it, as well as cobbled streets (I do love a cobbled street). It’s a lot nicer than walking along the cycle highway!

This month has also been a more successful month for my latte art. I don't get as much time to practise as I would like so was stunned when I absent mindedly created this for myself one lunchtime!

Perks of working at a cafe: free Apple & Cinnamon cake. It is our fastest selling cake and freshly made and one of the only things the staff will willingly pay out for.

4) Least favourite part of your work this month?

Part of my work involved going to lectures and I suppose that I only realised that the amount of work is getting bigger and bigger a few days ago. We have lots of reading to do each week, coursework due and an exam to prepare for in June while we are still doing all the learning for it. It has the potential to be stressful if I don’t get on top of things soon and fitting it all around a 9-5 job which can be quite physically and emotionally draining doesn’t exactly motivate me when I could be in the lounge having a laugh with my housemates or watching a film together.

5) Hardest part of your work this month?

I think from now on it will be the lack of free time in the evenings and possibly weekends: especially when we are getting some glorious sunshine now! Also I think carrying some people’s emotional turmoil can be hard. We don’t just treat those we visit as clients who we need to find jobs for or help out on a surface level: we come alongside them as friends and get personal. It is a risk that we take so that we can share our lives with them and the most important thing in our lives: our faith in Christ. We are still struggling along with this lady who we have done so much for and who sometimes stubbornly doesn’t listen to our advice because she wants to go her own way – a way which we see doesn’t lead to the security which she desperately needs when her benefits inevitably run dry.

6) Would you kindly sum up your working month in three alliterative words/phrases?

Chuckles, chaos, chipper. Do love me some British slang. Do love me some words beginning with the sound 'ch'!

7) Weird habits developed this month?

Starting to read too many books and then, after about a week, neglecting them. I managed to finish two of them but then just starting three more within days of one another and now I find it hard to chose which one to read in the evening. I don't know why this has happened but I do know that now I don't feel like I can favour one book or another, so they will have to go on a rotation and I will have to finish them all at the same time.

8) What are you missing the most about home this month?

My sister! Her texts telling me of how she wants to squish Prince George are hilarious and I found the birthday card she gave me last year which had such witty comments inside and it made my day. I’ve had a bit of time to hang out with her but always among other family. It also makes me sad that she has just started her GCSE’s and I can’t be there for her in person, because I remember how stressed I was and how much I relied on the support of my family and even her, though she knew little of how I felt. I guess I’m now also missing my friends now I’ve ‘tasted and seen’ them (sounds weird, doesn’t it?) and the people that I was especially closest to.

9) Best housemate moment?

I feel like hanging out with my housemates that bit more this month has really lifted my mood – and not even going out with them but just those conversations on the sofa in the evening, reading our Bibles together in Potter’s Field (right by the River) and joking about funny town names or names of people in Biblical times, cooking together, eating breakfast together. It is the little things that make a big difference. I feel especially closer to another housemate than I have before this month and that is always lurvely. We also had our last house birthday yesterday and we had such a lovely evening eating, chatting, laughing in a very undignified manner (snorting and table slapping involved) and generally messing about. Many of us didn’t see one another for 3 weeks so it was good to have another big get together other than the Five Guys trip to just enjoy one another’s company.

10) Discoveries this month?

I finally bought the Of Monsters and Men album (it was £2!) and it is excellent and perfectly smooth and uplifting for walking home as the sun sets. Gosh, my life is a cliché at the moment! Also discovered are: agirlcalledjack.com (amazing cheap recipes, all costed out – how did I cook on budget before?); Five Guys; my lack of ability to read one book at a time (currently reading 3); soya milk; Camden Coffee house; Camden Market; the wonders of soundcloud.

... and on the note of Soundcloud, here is a song I have been loving. I have generally been loving listening to instrumentals since working at a cafe full of artist hipsters who play the most amazing remixes. This one I found all by myself and contains few lyrics but it just makes me feel hugely chilled out, like I want to pull up a deckchair and sit in the sun. Alas!

How has your month been? Hope you've had some amazing moments of friendship, too.

-Antonia

Experiencing Other Worlds // Part One

One of the things that I have always had in my life is constancy. Since the age of five, I have always had school to go back to each term and a house to go back to every day. Since moving to London, completely changing my life and my orientation, I have become more restless. I want to vary my boring routines, do different things in the evenings, work in different places, and meet different people. I have seen other people’s hobbies and thought “I want to do that” countless times; I suddenly have interests in more things than I can count. While school stuck me in a bubble of comfort and security, London and my gap year experience has blown everything apart and forced me to rectify things through experience, learning and a lot of faith. I have chosen things for myself for the first time, learnt brand new skills and discovered skills I was unaware of previously. All this excitement has been contrasted with a job which, although extremely varied, is constant, has a definite routine and once again, I go away to the same home.

Sometimes you just need a change of scene, and during this month I have had the great privilege of stepping out of my usual work in a community cafe and into the other lands that London City Mission, the Christian charity I am working for this year, have expanded their branches to. I have been shadowing church-based placement, a chaplain and been involved for three days in the homeless day centre with my housemate. Since these experiences were such a poignant part of my February, I thought it best to separate them from the usual monthly updates and highlights and chat about each of them individually.

Firstly, I was able to shadow a missionary at the church that I have been attending in East London. There were huge differences to my normal day both in the way the days ran and the people who I encountered. I started later and the day kicked off with us waiting in a cold room in the downstairs of the church for three men from his English class to come for further reading, which involved reading the Bible (Mark) as an aid. Only two turned up, but it was a really interesting experience and we did that for the rest of the morning, correcting their English as they read aloud, answering questions about words they didn’t understand, and most excitingly talking to them about who Jesus was in the small passage we had been reading. What struck me most was how, at the end of the session when we just turned to chit chat, we learned that neither had any English friends. It saddens me that so many people who come into London only stick within their ethnic groups and that other Londoners don’t attempt to cross boundaries other than to order an Indian or Chinese. For all our talk about multiculturalism, it doesn’t actually seem to involve crossing cultural boundaries in a way which leads to understanding and deep friendships with those around us who were not brought up in Britain. The two men seemed surprised when we offered our friendship. I was able to invite them into the cafe for a chat with any of our staff as it is within their area and is accessible to them (and conveniently is where they have their usual English class).

After lunch we walked in the rain to do some door-to-door work, which again was completely different to what I do for the cafe. At the cafe it is about bringing people into the space to engage in the community we offer there, more than it is having spiritual conversations. When you are working for a church and inviting people to church, these conversations happen a lot more frequently and naturally and I relish in such interesting discussion (although at points it was far more intense than I was used to!). We then ran over to a bakery who gives the church their leftover bread to give to the homeless in the evening. After some admin jobs, we started to set up for the GrowTH project which runs in the area of Tower Hamlets where homeless people are referred and they then spend a night in a different church for 28 days. Each week, my church runs one of those nights and there are volunteers who cook dinner/breakfast and chat to the guests. The evening also involves a short Bible talk and an opportunity to discuss faith. While some of the 15-20 guests eat and then run to their beds to read, listen to music, or nap, others are really willing to chat and it was amazing to find out that many of the men had become friends over their time on the scheme and spent their day together, helping and protecting one another. One of the best things about the scheme is that over half of those who come on it between November and February last year were rehoused within the 28 days. It is such a simple idea and seems to be incredibly effective both in terms of social action and in terms of getting people to consider their beliefs. I am sad that the scheme is over as I only got to help on two occasions and enjoyed both very much. To find out more about GrowTH and their vision visit http://www.thisisgrowth.org/

My second day of shadowing was with the arts chaplain, although he dares to call himself that as it is a role that the guy pretty much created himself and is still developing, especially as it involves a lot of travelling about to different theatres and galleries etc and runs off a very flexible schedule compared to other chaplains such as those on the underground, rail, taxi ranks or post office who have solid places to visit each day. The day started off by visiting one of the ‘rival’ cafes within LCM, Cafe Eterno, on Neal Street in Covent Garden. It is a lot smaller and sees a lot of heavy traffic coming through, but still showcases art on the walls from independent artists (the current showing was of a Turkish guy who another missionary had met and put him in touch with the cafe to get his work up – and it was amazing work!) and has a very strong, friendly and lively team running it. The prices are notably higher than ours because of the location, however, and there is far less of a community feel to the place as with such a busy area people don’t hang about long, although they still have regular custom from people who work around the area and enjoy engaging in healthy discussion! I was especially please with my hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows – the most you get at my place is some chocolate sprinkles. We then spent the majority of our day visiting the stage door of different theatres including the Cambridge Harold Pinter, Noel Coward and Queens where we spoke to different stage doorman. Most of it was general chitchat but as a bit of a theatre geek and one who formerly wanted to go into theatre, this was most exciting for me, especially as one of the doorman had obsessively obtained the image and signature of every person who had performed at the theatre which included Helena Bonham Carter, David Tennant, Celia Imrie, Simon Callow and Rupert Grint, to name a few. Oh, and he had a picture of Marilyn Monroe with then-husband Arthur Williams signed and dated too, and the image had some amazing nugget of theatre history behind it. How I WISH I had dared to take a quick picture: his walls were completely full and he was now using the ceiling (Rupert Grint, for instance, was on a pipe). It was quite a sight and surely something I will never see again. Luckily for me, the chaplain had more experience in art than theatre, so when it came to chatting about musicals and plays I was really in my element!

We also went round the National Gallery in the section where all the religious paintings from alters were. This is a section I normally miss out because I have previously found it to be boring and reminds me of a part of church history which makes me feel uncomfortable, where money was spent on making a church opulent and a display of art rather than a contributing towards a community of people reaching out to those around them. I now see these pictures in a new way, looking to the stories behind them and the themes that they convey rather than the time in history where they come from and the excessive amount of gold leaf used to produce them. It was a most informative time and this guy really knows his stuff and has such a history of working in the arts field as a professor and curator, so I felt quite honoured to sit under such knowledge for a few hours.

And so ends part one of this record of my explorations, into two very different worlds which both capture my full interest and have very different levels of glamour! Sorry that there are no photos on this post as I didn’t take any on either days because I was enjoying myself rather a lot and was too busy taking everything in. Photos will be included in my next post, be assured!

Are you feeling a little restless, like me, or do you take comfort in constancy? Let me know in the comments

-Antonia

Five Month Review // January - February

Two blog posts in one weekend? Don't mind if I do! I have started to really enjoy writing, even if it is only of the ponderous sort. Plus, this weekend I had access to better WiFi, which means that it isn't such a chore to actually post things!

I cannot believe that I have past the five month mark already! This means that I only have five months (and a few weeks) left of living in London and having one of the most valuable life experiences that I have ever had. I can already see how these months of mingling with so many different people, living away from home, seeing so much distress and sorrow and learning so much more about what the Bible calls me to be and calls me to do in this world is shaping my life and my thoughts. It has given me better perspective and helped me to strip away prejudices I didn't even knew I had until I was forced to face them front on. Living in London isn't so bad, either, and this month I definitely intend to make the most of it with my free evenings!

So, on with the questions!

1) Weirdest thing you have seen in London this month?
Probably the Saatchi Gallery. Where else would you catch people just staring in awe at a room full of oil? I have pretty much been a little hermit since I returned from my Christmas holidays (for reasons that will be poured out in woe below) and so this was my first day trip, as it were. Regardless, just because the room full of oil was weird, doesn't mean that it wasn't quite wonderful as well, and some of the stuff in the Saatchi gallery really was incredible, or at least thought provoking even if it completely baffled me.

2) Particular highlights of this month?
Again, my little day trip last weekend with a friend. I went out to the West (I did feel a little twang of betrayal for the East London that I have grown to love) and took her round the V&A because she has never been before, and we had quite a jolly time marvelling at art history and in the gift shops. The Saatchi gallery gift shop really is superb. If you're not an arty person, at least pop into the gift shop! We also went to the photography exhibition at the Southbank Centre because I knew it was closing this weekend and my housemates had said that it was amazing. Never before have I so badly wanted to hike a mountain. Other highlights include rapping in my kitchen, drinking Hot Spiced Apple in Costa with my parents before it gets ripped off the menu, watching the sun set behind the Shard before church last Sunday.

I could have spent my whole time at the V&A simply marvelling t the building itself - from the outside of the store to the ceilings. The sculptures that hang in the reception/foyer area are also a particular highlight! 

3) Favourite part of your work this month?
To be honest, work has been hectic this month!  However, I have enjoyed doing a bit of admin for our next Market and having more time to get out into the community and chatting to people. Gone are the days where I would be washing up and chopping for a large chunk of my day. Now, I can make latte art (and not just even on lattes!) and have more time to really engage with people, which is the whole reason the centre exists. It exists to connect people who are isolated or who stick within familiar cultural groups to others who they might otherwise never associate with, and to become a place where people can feel comfortable and safe in an area that can seem quite gloomy and segregated. Even if this involves going out in the rain to knock on people's doors, the look of surprise on someone's face when you tell them that they and the community are being invited to come in and chat, essentially telling them that they have some value, is quite amazing, even if it is rare. I have also had the joy of telling more people about my faith and clearing up some dodgy theology that people associate with Christianity, which really brings me the greatest joy of all. And on Fridays, I often get to watch a film, sitting in a deckchair in the Cafe gallery space, which this month have included a silent German film and a quirky 80s movie called "Distant Voices, Still Lives", films I wouldn't have otherwise picked up. 

Somehow, this happened with my hand and some cleverly steamed milk.

4+5) Least favourite/ hardest part of your work this month?
I have crunched these two questions together this month because, really, this trial dominated my month. I have mentioned previously that my year includes some lectures and training, and so all of this so far had to be examined at the end of January. While I was excited about the prospect of studying the Bible, a book which I cherish and learn so much from, it also brought back past anxieties and deep-rooted fears of mine that made me quite unhappy on some evenings. I remember a particular day when I ended up volunteering myself for kitchen duty and ended up washing up, alone, for two hours. Any other month, and this would have been fine, but I was feeling particularly fragile and was fretting over my exam and thinking about all I had to learn and broke down in tears over the washing up bowl for a while. I then went and bought some swanky flavoured tea to make myself feel better! That week was especially hard because I felt very snowed under and reading my Bible became a necessary chore rather than a pleasure. I lost focus, perspective, and started to think forward to University and doubt whether I would be able to hack it. Not only was I worrying about an exam that affected me in no way whatsoever, but I was now becoming anxious about something that wasn't happening for ten months! It was the harsh reality of realising that my anxiety issue that I had battled through in the weeks before my A-Level exams had not been overcome, just pushed to one side in a box that had now been reopened that put a downer on my January. I also felt quite trapped between the walls of my bedroom and the cafe and spent all my weekends revising, which wasn't exactly a healthy way to do things as it left me feeling a little isolated. Top that off with missing friends and lack of sleep and you have a perfect remedy for how not to avoid stress. Nevertheless, I passed and felt a real peace on the week of my exam that really did surpass all understanding, and all the examinees had a lunch together to celebrate. Twas cute.

6) Would you kindly sum up your working month in three alliterative words?
Sunsets, stress, social. (Seriously, these are hard! WHY did I set myself this question?)

Image of a beautiful sunset that I witnessed. Unfortunately taken on a pretty rubbish HTC One camera that doesn't do well in low light or when enlarged. But too pretty not to share. Just squint!

7) Weird habits developed this month?
I used a revision technique which involved putting post-it notes absolutely anywhere I could find: on the fridges, front door, microwave, fireplace, light switches, sink, toilet door... Yep. I went post-it crazy but it definitely felt like a cheat way to revise if I was feeling tired or felt like a quick quiz over breakfast (I know, I am a very sad human being). I also had a craving for baked beans one week. It was odd.

8) What are you missing the most about home this month?
My friends, and being around people my own age everyday. I suddenly realised that I would keep in touch with few people at work after I leave in July, and that there really weren't that many people my own age outside of my housemates who I could chat to on a regular basis. I started looking through my pictures of the last year at school and really missing my friends. I didn't really see that much of most of them over Christmas either because I was studying and didn't have the money to get on goodness knows how many buses everyday to see them. I also didn't feel like I could nag them constantly about Uni and in my hermit/studying stress, along with cutting out social media, I felt quite disconnected from them. There is nothing like old friends, I feel. I don't really like all this moving on business!

9) Best housemate moment?
I have discovered that one of my housemates really likes to rap. So we rapped about our washing up. I also have a very perplexing video of her doing some sort of dancing and rapping in a very bad Jamaican accent which has made me chuckle multiple times. We haven't really been together that much as a house this month because of everyone's varying schedules so that is definitely something to work towards in February, before another five months have gone past and it is too late!

10) Discoveries this month?
The Saatchi Gallery; Jake Bugg's album, Shangri La; vegetable cake; www.brokeinlondon.com; the view from the Limehouse Basin (below)

And there is the round up! Phew. Really do need to find a way to be more concise. 

Have a merry February (JUST BECAUSE IT RHYMES)
-Antonia