Experiencing Other Worlds // Part One

One of the things that I have always had in my life is constancy. Since the age of five, I have always had school to go back to each term and a house to go back to every day. Since moving to London, completely changing my life and my orientation, I have become more restless. I want to vary my boring routines, do different things in the evenings, work in different places, and meet different people. I have seen other people’s hobbies and thought “I want to do that” countless times; I suddenly have interests in more things than I can count. While school stuck me in a bubble of comfort and security, London and my gap year experience has blown everything apart and forced me to rectify things through experience, learning and a lot of faith. I have chosen things for myself for the first time, learnt brand new skills and discovered skills I was unaware of previously. All this excitement has been contrasted with a job which, although extremely varied, is constant, has a definite routine and once again, I go away to the same home.

Sometimes you just need a change of scene, and during this month I have had the great privilege of stepping out of my usual work in a community cafe and into the other lands that London City Mission, the Christian charity I am working for this year, have expanded their branches to. I have been shadowing church-based placement, a chaplain and been involved for three days in the homeless day centre with my housemate. Since these experiences were such a poignant part of my February, I thought it best to separate them from the usual monthly updates and highlights and chat about each of them individually.

Firstly, I was able to shadow a missionary at the church that I have been attending in East London. There were huge differences to my normal day both in the way the days ran and the people who I encountered. I started later and the day kicked off with us waiting in a cold room in the downstairs of the church for three men from his English class to come for further reading, which involved reading the Bible (Mark) as an aid. Only two turned up, but it was a really interesting experience and we did that for the rest of the morning, correcting their English as they read aloud, answering questions about words they didn’t understand, and most excitingly talking to them about who Jesus was in the small passage we had been reading. What struck me most was how, at the end of the session when we just turned to chit chat, we learned that neither had any English friends. It saddens me that so many people who come into London only stick within their ethnic groups and that other Londoners don’t attempt to cross boundaries other than to order an Indian or Chinese. For all our talk about multiculturalism, it doesn’t actually seem to involve crossing cultural boundaries in a way which leads to understanding and deep friendships with those around us who were not brought up in Britain. The two men seemed surprised when we offered our friendship. I was able to invite them into the cafe for a chat with any of our staff as it is within their area and is accessible to them (and conveniently is where they have their usual English class).

After lunch we walked in the rain to do some door-to-door work, which again was completely different to what I do for the cafe. At the cafe it is about bringing people into the space to engage in the community we offer there, more than it is having spiritual conversations. When you are working for a church and inviting people to church, these conversations happen a lot more frequently and naturally and I relish in such interesting discussion (although at points it was far more intense than I was used to!). We then ran over to a bakery who gives the church their leftover bread to give to the homeless in the evening. After some admin jobs, we started to set up for the GrowTH project which runs in the area of Tower Hamlets where homeless people are referred and they then spend a night in a different church for 28 days. Each week, my church runs one of those nights and there are volunteers who cook dinner/breakfast and chat to the guests. The evening also involves a short Bible talk and an opportunity to discuss faith. While some of the 15-20 guests eat and then run to their beds to read, listen to music, or nap, others are really willing to chat and it was amazing to find out that many of the men had become friends over their time on the scheme and spent their day together, helping and protecting one another. One of the best things about the scheme is that over half of those who come on it between November and February last year were rehoused within the 28 days. It is such a simple idea and seems to be incredibly effective both in terms of social action and in terms of getting people to consider their beliefs. I am sad that the scheme is over as I only got to help on two occasions and enjoyed both very much. To find out more about GrowTH and their vision visit http://www.thisisgrowth.org/

My second day of shadowing was with the arts chaplain, although he dares to call himself that as it is a role that the guy pretty much created himself and is still developing, especially as it involves a lot of travelling about to different theatres and galleries etc and runs off a very flexible schedule compared to other chaplains such as those on the underground, rail, taxi ranks or post office who have solid places to visit each day. The day started off by visiting one of the ‘rival’ cafes within LCM, Cafe Eterno, on Neal Street in Covent Garden. It is a lot smaller and sees a lot of heavy traffic coming through, but still showcases art on the walls from independent artists (the current showing was of a Turkish guy who another missionary had met and put him in touch with the cafe to get his work up – and it was amazing work!) and has a very strong, friendly and lively team running it. The prices are notably higher than ours because of the location, however, and there is far less of a community feel to the place as with such a busy area people don’t hang about long, although they still have regular custom from people who work around the area and enjoy engaging in healthy discussion! I was especially please with my hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows – the most you get at my place is some chocolate sprinkles. We then spent the majority of our day visiting the stage door of different theatres including the Cambridge Harold Pinter, Noel Coward and Queens where we spoke to different stage doorman. Most of it was general chitchat but as a bit of a theatre geek and one who formerly wanted to go into theatre, this was most exciting for me, especially as one of the doorman had obsessively obtained the image and signature of every person who had performed at the theatre which included Helena Bonham Carter, David Tennant, Celia Imrie, Simon Callow and Rupert Grint, to name a few. Oh, and he had a picture of Marilyn Monroe with then-husband Arthur Williams signed and dated too, and the image had some amazing nugget of theatre history behind it. How I WISH I had dared to take a quick picture: his walls were completely full and he was now using the ceiling (Rupert Grint, for instance, was on a pipe). It was quite a sight and surely something I will never see again. Luckily for me, the chaplain had more experience in art than theatre, so when it came to chatting about musicals and plays I was really in my element!

We also went round the National Gallery in the section where all the religious paintings from alters were. This is a section I normally miss out because I have previously found it to be boring and reminds me of a part of church history which makes me feel uncomfortable, where money was spent on making a church opulent and a display of art rather than a contributing towards a community of people reaching out to those around them. I now see these pictures in a new way, looking to the stories behind them and the themes that they convey rather than the time in history where they come from and the excessive amount of gold leaf used to produce them. It was a most informative time and this guy really knows his stuff and has such a history of working in the arts field as a professor and curator, so I felt quite honoured to sit under such knowledge for a few hours.

And so ends part one of this record of my explorations, into two very different worlds which both capture my full interest and have very different levels of glamour! Sorry that there are no photos on this post as I didn’t take any on either days because I was enjoying myself rather a lot and was too busy taking everything in. Photos will be included in my next post, be assured!

Are you feeling a little restless, like me, or do you take comfort in constancy? Let me know in the comments

-Antonia

Five Month Review // January - February

Two blog posts in one weekend? Don't mind if I do! I have started to really enjoy writing, even if it is only of the ponderous sort. Plus, this weekend I had access to better WiFi, which means that it isn't such a chore to actually post things!

I cannot believe that I have past the five month mark already! This means that I only have five months (and a few weeks) left of living in London and having one of the most valuable life experiences that I have ever had. I can already see how these months of mingling with so many different people, living away from home, seeing so much distress and sorrow and learning so much more about what the Bible calls me to be and calls me to do in this world is shaping my life and my thoughts. It has given me better perspective and helped me to strip away prejudices I didn't even knew I had until I was forced to face them front on. Living in London isn't so bad, either, and this month I definitely intend to make the most of it with my free evenings!

So, on with the questions!

1) Weirdest thing you have seen in London this month?
Probably the Saatchi Gallery. Where else would you catch people just staring in awe at a room full of oil? I have pretty much been a little hermit since I returned from my Christmas holidays (for reasons that will be poured out in woe below) and so this was my first day trip, as it were. Regardless, just because the room full of oil was weird, doesn't mean that it wasn't quite wonderful as well, and some of the stuff in the Saatchi gallery really was incredible, or at least thought provoking even if it completely baffled me.

2) Particular highlights of this month?
Again, my little day trip last weekend with a friend. I went out to the West (I did feel a little twang of betrayal for the East London that I have grown to love) and took her round the V&A because she has never been before, and we had quite a jolly time marvelling at art history and in the gift shops. The Saatchi gallery gift shop really is superb. If you're not an arty person, at least pop into the gift shop! We also went to the photography exhibition at the Southbank Centre because I knew it was closing this weekend and my housemates had said that it was amazing. Never before have I so badly wanted to hike a mountain. Other highlights include rapping in my kitchen, drinking Hot Spiced Apple in Costa with my parents before it gets ripped off the menu, watching the sun set behind the Shard before church last Sunday.

I could have spent my whole time at the V&A simply marvelling t the building itself - from the outside of the store to the ceilings. The sculptures that hang in the reception/foyer area are also a particular highlight! 

3) Favourite part of your work this month?
To be honest, work has been hectic this month!  However, I have enjoyed doing a bit of admin for our next Market and having more time to get out into the community and chatting to people. Gone are the days where I would be washing up and chopping for a large chunk of my day. Now, I can make latte art (and not just even on lattes!) and have more time to really engage with people, which is the whole reason the centre exists. It exists to connect people who are isolated or who stick within familiar cultural groups to others who they might otherwise never associate with, and to become a place where people can feel comfortable and safe in an area that can seem quite gloomy and segregated. Even if this involves going out in the rain to knock on people's doors, the look of surprise on someone's face when you tell them that they and the community are being invited to come in and chat, essentially telling them that they have some value, is quite amazing, even if it is rare. I have also had the joy of telling more people about my faith and clearing up some dodgy theology that people associate with Christianity, which really brings me the greatest joy of all. And on Fridays, I often get to watch a film, sitting in a deckchair in the Cafe gallery space, which this month have included a silent German film and a quirky 80s movie called "Distant Voices, Still Lives", films I wouldn't have otherwise picked up. 

Somehow, this happened with my hand and some cleverly steamed milk.

4+5) Least favourite/ hardest part of your work this month?
I have crunched these two questions together this month because, really, this trial dominated my month. I have mentioned previously that my year includes some lectures and training, and so all of this so far had to be examined at the end of January. While I was excited about the prospect of studying the Bible, a book which I cherish and learn so much from, it also brought back past anxieties and deep-rooted fears of mine that made me quite unhappy on some evenings. I remember a particular day when I ended up volunteering myself for kitchen duty and ended up washing up, alone, for two hours. Any other month, and this would have been fine, but I was feeling particularly fragile and was fretting over my exam and thinking about all I had to learn and broke down in tears over the washing up bowl for a while. I then went and bought some swanky flavoured tea to make myself feel better! That week was especially hard because I felt very snowed under and reading my Bible became a necessary chore rather than a pleasure. I lost focus, perspective, and started to think forward to University and doubt whether I would be able to hack it. Not only was I worrying about an exam that affected me in no way whatsoever, but I was now becoming anxious about something that wasn't happening for ten months! It was the harsh reality of realising that my anxiety issue that I had battled through in the weeks before my A-Level exams had not been overcome, just pushed to one side in a box that had now been reopened that put a downer on my January. I also felt quite trapped between the walls of my bedroom and the cafe and spent all my weekends revising, which wasn't exactly a healthy way to do things as it left me feeling a little isolated. Top that off with missing friends and lack of sleep and you have a perfect remedy for how not to avoid stress. Nevertheless, I passed and felt a real peace on the week of my exam that really did surpass all understanding, and all the examinees had a lunch together to celebrate. Twas cute.

6) Would you kindly sum up your working month in three alliterative words?
Sunsets, stress, social. (Seriously, these are hard! WHY did I set myself this question?)

Image of a beautiful sunset that I witnessed. Unfortunately taken on a pretty rubbish HTC One camera that doesn't do well in low light or when enlarged. But too pretty not to share. Just squint!

7) Weird habits developed this month?
I used a revision technique which involved putting post-it notes absolutely anywhere I could find: on the fridges, front door, microwave, fireplace, light switches, sink, toilet door... Yep. I went post-it crazy but it definitely felt like a cheat way to revise if I was feeling tired or felt like a quick quiz over breakfast (I know, I am a very sad human being). I also had a craving for baked beans one week. It was odd.

8) What are you missing the most about home this month?
My friends, and being around people my own age everyday. I suddenly realised that I would keep in touch with few people at work after I leave in July, and that there really weren't that many people my own age outside of my housemates who I could chat to on a regular basis. I started looking through my pictures of the last year at school and really missing my friends. I didn't really see that much of most of them over Christmas either because I was studying and didn't have the money to get on goodness knows how many buses everyday to see them. I also didn't feel like I could nag them constantly about Uni and in my hermit/studying stress, along with cutting out social media, I felt quite disconnected from them. There is nothing like old friends, I feel. I don't really like all this moving on business!

9) Best housemate moment?
I have discovered that one of my housemates really likes to rap. So we rapped about our washing up. I also have a very perplexing video of her doing some sort of dancing and rapping in a very bad Jamaican accent which has made me chuckle multiple times. We haven't really been together that much as a house this month because of everyone's varying schedules so that is definitely something to work towards in February, before another five months have gone past and it is too late!

10) Discoveries this month?
The Saatchi Gallery; Jake Bugg's album, Shangri La; vegetable cake; www.brokeinlondon.com; the view from the Limehouse Basin (below)

And there is the round up! Phew. Really do need to find a way to be more concise. 

Have a merry February (JUST BECAUSE IT RHYMES)
-Antonia

Making Decisions

Firstly, my apologies. I promised blog posts and then I returned to the land of terrible WiFi, a broken laptop charger and made a snap decision to limit the amount of time I spent on social media in January to focus on some studying for an exam and generally not hiding my life away behind screens of various kinds. I lasted until a few days before said exam when being stuck in a room was driving me crazy and I realised that I hadn't spoken to any of my friends who are scattered across England for a month due to the fact that, because I hadn't checked my social media, I had almost forgotten about their existence and felt suddenly disconnected from them. Anyway, all of this meant that this little blog was quite forgotten about.

I suppose that introduction is rather apt for what I am going to ponder over today anyway: that was a decision that had both good and bad consequences. The positive side is that I found it easy to deal with and it allowed me to focus on higher priority matters, and I didn't go to bed with much guilt about how much time I had wasted in those allocated study hours cheekily checking my Twitter feed. If I haven’t mentioned already, I am obsessed with time. I heavily dislike being late and wasting time. It is a very British and uptight trait of mine which can be useful but also extremely agonising and irrationally controlling. Social media, therefore, seems like a waste of my time because it distracts me (making me ‘late’ in studying or finishing my work). Unless I can see the direct benefits of using these platforms then I feel guilty about using them. This brings me to the cons, mainly being the fact that I suddenly became aware of how reliant I am on these platforms to communicate with certain friends now that we are not spending five days a week together at school. I don’t know about you, but there are some people that it just feels unnatural to text and it feels more natural to reply to a sarcastic tweet or have a continuous messaging conversation with (when you know that they have to reply because they are online). Even without those things, you get to observe snapshots into their lives and take joy in the fact that they have new friends and are enjoying themselves, and through that feel connected, in some way, to their lives.

That was a small decision that made a small impact on my life for a few weeks before the decision was reversed. It was made in exceptional circumstances, and thus was easily transferable and was rejected and set aside without guilt, with some lessons learned. How lovely! Sadly, not every decision is so easy or changeable. Christmas and family visits inevitably come with many questions about your future and, as UCAS applications close and apprenticeship/job applications start to open, now is the time to find the answers to those questions. During Christmas, I decided once again that I was set on going to University. Within a week of working I wasn’t so sure. There are so many issues to face: Are the fees really worth it? Is this merely procrastinating? Am I going to end up jobless regardless? Do I have the strength to overcome my anxiety and study on a more permanent basis? Are you any clearer in what you want to pursue?

The more you ask yourself these questions, the more your head spins into a whirlwind. It seems as if this one decision is the fork in the road that dictates your entire life (as did my GCSE results, A Level results etc... funny that!)

This was until I met a friend of mine on the tube. If you are a Londoner, you know that it is incredibly rare to get on a tube and bump into someone you know! We started to chat about making decisions and she calming reminding me of something that continues to free me from anxiety over what decision I make: that if my decision leads me to bring glory and honour to God, then it is a right decision. Can I bring glory and honour to God at University? Yes! Can I do the same looking for part-time work or an apprenticeship? Yes! All the other factors are left in the lurch when this amazing fact is considered. I might have a career in three years and be earning, or I might be in horrific crippling debt, but regardless of the outcome, these things will pass away. As long as in either situation I can worship and glorify my Creator and my Saviour, then my life has meaning and purpose and God’s work is being fulfilled in me.

As it happens, over this year I have some ideas about what I would like to do in the future. I have no idea how I might get there, if I ever do. But the phrase “patience, child” rings between my ears and softens my stubborn and demanding heart to make these desires of mine come to fruition. I clearly have a lot to learn, and a lifetime of waiting upon the Lord ahead of me (and I do dislike waiting!)

-Antonia

P.S. Here are some pretty pictures that I have been taking!