Photographing London

Although my time in London so far has been crazy hectic, which means that at the end of most days I just crumble into the sofa at the end of the day instead of really getting the most out of the London experience, I have managed to take a bit of time merely to walk around and take some pictures! It feels odd now, because I feel like I am verging on tourist territory when I feel just about settled to call myself a Londoner. I guess standing alongside PDA-ing tourist couples is necessary, however, if I am to truly capture my time here.

Interestingly, I have taken many photos of London before with my art group, always wanting them to be perfectly composed and in perfect focus. As I look back at the photos I have taken over the last few weeks, I realise that the majority are blurry: in part to avoid having to stand alongside those PDA-ing couples and taking photos as I walk, but mostly because London really is a blurry city. It moves so quickly that you barely have a chance to catch a breath, and people come and go as quickly as I can whack out a good soup onto the table at Departure (ie. with great speed!). Getting a good photo of London, it seems, always means some annoying tourist sticking their hand in the way, or a commuter walking speedily past. Truly representing London is actually having imperfect photographs, because no one who lives in London much cares for tourists (I bombarge into many a tourist photo a day simply because if I stopped for everybody taking a picture of themselves on Tower Bridge as I walked past it would take twice as long to get to work), or indeed, for eachother, because who can trust a stranger?

Make of these what you will:

Hope you like this tiny selection of the blurriest, but perhaps most interesting, shots of the London Bridge area that I have!

-Antonia

1 Month Review // September - October

So I was thinking about the subject of this next post, and there didn't seem to be much else to write of much consequence, except a full review of the last month. It seems that a lot of what I wrote last is still applicable, and I still feel like a newbie even though I have had a week of induction and four weeks of my placement. Alas, I still don't know how to fully work the espresso machine with confidence, though it turns out I am pretty good at basic latte art!

I think I might set myself some questions to answer around the 9th of each month, since that was when I moved to the centre of this crazy city. I suppose they can be added to as time goes on and these no longer suffice.

1) The weirdest thing you have seen in London this month?
My flatmates and I have slowly been making a list of weird things we have seen. On my first or second week, I most certainly would have said the appearance of what I can only be described as a sort of travelling table? Basically, as I wandered along Tooley Street on my way back from my Tesco shop, I saw 8 people sitting on the two longest sides of a table in the middle of the road. The stools they were sitting on had pedals attached to where you would normally place your feet, and they used these to cycle along the road. It looked like it was some sort of party, as they had bottles and cake on the table and seemed to be having a jolly time, even when cars were beeping at them! However, I have since seen these along the same road many times, and also in the centre of London while on a bus, where the travelling table was blocking up all of the traffic, having come to a standstill at a traffic light. My real answer to this question is what I saw last week: a lady with a bright pink baby buggy, where her dog was sitting, just pushing it over Tower Bridge. I think she misunderstood the meaning of 'walking the dog'.

2) Particular highlights of the month?
In a broad sense, I would just say the variety that my weeks have had - from cooking in the kitchens, deep chats with those at work and at the hostel, working at the counter and having jokes with the customers, and the deep interest I have in my Bible and History lectures. To pick out a few events I would have to go with the following:

• Being one of the lead vocalists at the London City Mission Thanksgiving Service held at All Souls, Langham Place. On the first week, I was asked if I could sing. I said yes, and was promptly eschewed into singing in front of 600 people 5 days later. It was the first time I had ever been involved in leading worship for anyone, let alone that many people in such a spectacular venue (pictures below!) To top it off, the whole thing was filmed and recorded, so I can really treasure that memory. The whole event was really interesting too, and really helped me to feel a proper part of the LCM family and settle in as quickly as I did.
• The staff at Departure Cafe playing the piano which is in the centre of the Cafe and singing a roaring rendition of 'Happy Birthday' (complete with cake) to me in front of all the customers as I was clearing tables. It was both hugely embarrassing and hugely flattering at the same time. I still feel very much the annoying newbie, so to receive such warmth from them was charming.
• Learning the amazing providence of God. I know I said that this blog would not get deeply spiritual, but I think this is extremely important. Yes, London is beautiful and I have very much enjoyed living here, but it is the fruit of my work here which gets me most excited, both for myself and others. So let me tell you a story... In July, I received my acceptance letter from the London City Mission with a mixture of excitement and trepedation. How was I supposed to get £4000 between then and September, not least because I am going away on a three week long mission in a week? "I have no time to get a job!" "What can I sell to get money?" "How frugal can I be this summer to save more?" Instantly, it was all about what I could do to earn the money. I figured out a way to pay around half the money myself, including refusing to go out with friends, or spend too much when I did, and using money that I had put away in savings. I was told early on that my church would give me some money, and by mid-August, I had a plan for about 3/4 of the money I needed. By the time I left, I had it all - slowly, people at my church had individually approached me with crazy sums of money (some gave up to £100 each!), or anonymously gave some through the offering. I thanked God for his goodness to me and was satisfied. But, being a God who always exceeds my expectations, the money kept coming. Nearly every week, amounts between £200-£500 has rolled in from the church offering. Two weeks ago, there was one anonymous cheque for £400! My church, amazingly, have nearly funded the whole lot. All my frugality was not necessary, although sensible. I really did have no need to worry, and my parents haven't paid a penny but for my train tickets to and from their house, as well as saving money on the food shop. Dad couldn't be more delighted. Now I'm praying for the money to stop, or I will have extra money and not a clue what to do with it!

Now, lets wipe the tears from the keyboard and onto the next question, shall we? No more ranting allowed, Antonia!

All Souls, during rehearsals for the Thanksgiving service. It is a truly stunning building inside! Below is a picture of their organ, thankfully not used. Being that size I'm sure it would have drowned us out.

3) Favourite part of your work this month?

To be honest, I am even finding joy in cleaning the toilets so far, (I know, I know...) but without a shadow of a doubt it would have to be visiting people in the community, both by doing door-to-door advertising of the cafe and checking in on people we already know. I have had the privilege of being party to some incredible hospitality: women who didn't know me invited me into their homes, gave me tea and samosas (even when I insisted that I wasn't hungry!), and chatted happily to me about their lives without inhibition. I think we British can learn a lot from that, we are far too quick to suspect. Many people have large families and when visiting an elder lady, their granddaughters have often come in and been really interested in what on earth I am doing a gap year which involved spending time drinking tea with them rather than going travelling. I have only met one grandson, and then, when hearing that our ages were the same, the grandma tried to get us to marry, which was a pretty awkward moment on both sides. 

View from the 8th floor of a a section of the estate that I am working with at the moment. If you faced the other way, you could see the Olympic village!

4) Least favourite part of your work this month?

Everything is slow. I still don't know how to do everything in the cafe, and all these small practicalities can really wind me up. Sometimes I feel intimidated by the other staff, who always know what they are doing, and I get embarrassed when someone catches me standing there looking gormless! This month I have also had trouble remembering things, so one day I will be taught the exact time to microwave the nachos for, or the temperature that the soup has to be heated to, and the next (and the next...) I will forget. I have been shown how to froth milk using the espresso machine about 5 times now and still get in a flap when I try. It has lowered my confidence a little and means that I just avoid doing things I can't remember how to do. I'm slowly getting over my fear of nagging people with questions, though!

5) Hardest part of this month?

I would have said the above had it not been for the countless times I have had to hold back tears in the presence of people I have never met before. As I have said, people are really hospitable and chat to you openly, but this means that they disclose to you personal things. When you are carrying your own worries, fears, insecurities (and in my case, frantically obsessing over how unclean the hob is), this sometimes all accumulates and I feel myself welling up. One lady in a care home was telling us how helpless she felt, how she couldn't be bothered to call any of her family, how she struggled to sleep, and was struggling to make friends in the home because all the women had mental disorders and couldn't understand her. This alone got me going, then she added how she had recently lost her home, was abused by her husband, and that 2 people she really cared about passed away this year. There were many people that we met who were going through real struggles. In addition, there is also opportunities to tell my story, and my struggle with anger management and counselling. Bringing back those memories without the joking that I can share with close friends always makes me cry, but in front of a stranger it's not appropriate to break down. They also have to feel like they are not going to burden you and therefore, won't tell you anything if they spot that you can't handle it. I am getting more used to it, especially as I get to lift these problems up off my shoulders in prayer to God.

6) Would you kindly sum your working month up in three alliterating words?

Exhilarating, exhausting, emotional.

The view from the moment I step out onto my front door. People don't believe me when I say I live "to minutes from Tower Bridge", but there is is. There is also a very noisy pub which keeps me awake at night. Last night, I was treated to a drunken rendition of  "Walking in the air" which was surprisingly tuneful.

7) Weird habits developed in this month?
I have become a huge fan of cleaning. I was on the cleaning rota for the hostel this week and instead of doing the few duties we had, thought that Saturday afternoon would be a fantastic time to clean the kitchen: the hob, floors, sink, washing up bowl, tiles, cupboard doors, microwave and so on... The only thing I couldn't face was the oven. I think working in a cafe and cleaning for at least an hour as part of my day has really engrained it in my life. On the food side of things, anything with mint in is good. I consume peppermint tea at least 3 times daily, and at least 4 After Eights (they were going cheap in Tesco, alright?). I'm counting on the fact that all the time I do standing up and running around means that this doesn't matter one bit.

8) What are you missing the most about home this month?
Cooking for four! It's really reallllyyyyy annoying cooking and shopping for one because I always overbuy on the vegetables and then have to have the same meals over and over again. Anything like lasagne is really awkward and a very long process to make just for one person, and as the house have decided to cook individually due to our varying schedules (to the point where I went for 4 days without seeing one of my housemates at all!) and varying budgets, it doesn't seem worth it to make a batch unless you are a huge fan of bolognese. This also means no Saturday curry, no Sunday pie, no Monday roast!
More importantly, though, I miss my sister (aw). We used to moan to each other in the evenings, cook lunch together on weekends, watch telly together, and we became pretty close over the last year. In her birthday card to me, she wrote "You are now 19 which means it is time to lay off the heavy drinking and smoking", which had me in stitches! If you don't know me too well, I don't do either at all.

A pretty low-fi quality photo, but one where my sister is actually smiling! Taken about 5 days before I left for the London life.

I think that is about enough! If you have any question suggestions, let me know: perhaps 'Song of the month' 'Laugh of the month'? I wasn't sure how much of the menial things in my life you would really want to know. Perhaps you can answer some of those below, if you too have just left home, for Uni and whatnot...

-Antonia

P.S. If you enjoy these ramblings, my twitter might be of interest...

Pondering London.

If I were to sum up my London experience so far, the word I (and I'm sure those completing the gap year with me) would chose is 'exhausting'. This is apt - I am currently sitting in a well of tissues and mugs that were once full of Beechams, Lemsip, or hot squash. Just over two weeks into the real experience of what it is like to work full-time, and my immune system has crashed. Not that this is any excuse anymore - London has an atmosphere of rushing, of buzz, to take a day off as I have today almost feels criminal in such a vibrant and enthusiastic city. I feel properly inaugurated now I grumble as I have to weave between slow walking tourists on Tower Bridge, especially the large groups of Asians (I don't want to be asked to take their picture when I could be eating food, thank you very much!).

I have, however, needed a rest. Working 9-6 instead of 9-5, including my decision to embark on a forty minute walk to work in a job where the only time you have to sit down is a lunch break has been a complete killer. Add to that being put on the rota last week which involved 8 hours of kitchen work, sweating over washing up, which although having cleared my pores from all the steam, also made me very lightheaded. Oh, plus a throbbing headache that slowly impressed itself until its unbearable peak at 4 o' clock, by which time no brownies were left to console me. Last Saturday, I was sent on a training course, and on Monday I completed a food health and hygiene course, worth 2 NVQs (yay for qualifications!). At the end of each day, I hop onto my laptop only to face incredibly slow broadband which by the time facebook loads, only shows me pictures of my school friends on their university adventures, with new friends around them, paint on their faces, and not one sorrowful face in sight. I can't help but feel, for a second, that life suddenly got very unfair for me. They get a loan to party while I live off donations and are too ill to go to the cinema on the money I have saved (hence why I am writing this now - all of my housemates are at the cinema). Of course, that is not the case. But hey, vulnerable 18 year-old uses this as an acceptable excuse to dive into two Twix bars anyway in spite of all the walking and vegetables bought to keep herself fit.

In spite of all this work and emotional craziness that being thrust into an organisation where I feel so inexperienced, uncomfortable, less than confident, but yet absolutely welcome has sent me, and the pain in my feet, I have still managed to take a few opportunties to walk around the glorious London. As I am starting to detest the tube - the magical qualities of it have long gone once you have experienced the tube with commuters and the sweat that comes with them - walking has become my preferred option during peak times. While it has lead me, at night, to see some beautiful landscapes filled with light, the juxtaposition of modern and old architecture standing side by side, the scenes by day are usually pretty bleak. Aside from a few days of sunshine in the mornings, London can look as grey as the history books make it sound. I am undecided as to whether the ongoing presence of cranes is irritating to my photographer's instinct, or quite beautiful in their constancy, almost adding in some respects a trickle of excitement and hope to the dull grey filter of clouds and buildings and bridges and the dirty Thames. They, also, reflect the fast-pace of London which pervades from every step of the commuter, and are a reminder of how while there are monuments to herald and remind us of the past, they do not make or contribute to the future. 

 If you are still with me, great! Sorry if I confused you. This is the kind of thing that I ponder over in all this thinking space I have! Now, to fully complete my update, I must reveal to you all why working at this cafe, or Community Arts Outreach Centre (if I wanted to sound pretentious), is worth all this illness and exhaustion. Some might say that whatever job you did, unpaid or overworked, would be all worth it if you got to live in the 'great metropolis'. I heartily disagree. If it weren't for the joy of working in a cafe where I am continually discovering new nooks and crannies, new food, new personalities, new art, and the colourful display of people that I meet everyday, as well as embedding myself with so many cultures and becoming more aware of life outside middle-class suburbs through my door-to-door work, on top of the absolutely charming people I work with, London would be far behind and I would be snuggling in bedsheets that weren't of the hideous brown variety that the hostel have provided me.

Is that good enough?

On my first full day, I had this gorgeous pea and mint soup with rosemary speciality bread. My tastebuds were exploding with joy, and my eyes were excited that the table I sat on was so beautiful, too!

I am surrounded by books and antique teapots, musical instruments, a vinyl player with three boxes full of vinyls from the sixties to the eighties, Singer sewing machines and a piano.

So yes, I am not with all my friends. I am exhausted. But I am making new friends, drawing new strength from the buzz of freedom and taking in the breathless city that is London, which gives me so much to think on and wonder. And below is what I see everyday, walk over twice, and cease to be amazed at.

-Antonia