Giving

Recently I have been struck by the power of giving. In the work that I am doing, a lady who faces debt and has next to nothing was intent on showing us hospitality, on making us a meal to show her thanks for our friendship to her, the way we have cared and looked out for her. The urge to give was greater to her than her economic need. Some might call that foolish, and we did spend a lot of time trying to dissuade her until she became offended that we didn't want to come. Culturally, our rejection of that gift was also a rejection of her friendship, even though it was with the best intentions.

As I pondered this, I realised that if I were in the same situation, I would not have been inclined to think the same way. I probably would have spiralled into self-pity and expected others to help me. I certainly wouldn't have gone out of my way to give to someone if I barely had money to keep myself financially stable. Indeed, I am not in that situation at all and yet I fail to give as much as I can. It was when I realised this that I remembered that I hadn't given blood in six months and within the next two weeks booked to give blood.

The only time that I could do so was on a Monday afternoon in a mobile vehicle in the Asda car park on the Old Kent Road. I was more used to a comfy bed in a church hall, but this was a cramped caravan which rocked every time someone got on and off the vehicle, meaning that the needle moved inside my vein. It was probably the least pleasant blood-giving experience I have had, and it took about three hours including travelling there and back on the bus, standing in line for the blood test, waiting for a bed to be free, for my blood to be taken, and for me to finish my packet of crisps to make sure I didn't faint as the woman before me had. Even as I vowed to myself that I would never do that again, I still realised that the time I had put it and the blood I have given (especially as an O- blood type) would be valuable in saving someone's life. I quickly remembered that the point of giving, whether it be your time, your money, your blood, your energy, your listening, is never so that you can get something out of it, or have a nice experience, or experience that lovely feeling. Sometimes that feeling doesn't really come! The point of giving is to do it with joy in spite of whether you benefit from it or now, knowing that it serving another human. To an extent, giving is sacrificial at heart, but it is no worthy sacrifice if done begrudgingly.

I know that the thing I am worst at giving is my time. I hate wasting time if I feel like I could have done something productive, and even more so if it costs me money while I was doing it. Yesterday, I had to push all these instincts to one side. I walked for half of my journey to meet a friend to avoid a bus fare, leaving ridiculously early in the morning to do so. I ended up staying with her for a lot longer than I intended, which scuppered all my carefully timetabled travels. I then spent over an hour on public transport crossing from Zone 5 to Zone 1 (which in London is expensive!) in order to pick up a gift for someone and repay someone some money. It wasn't necessary to have done it that week, but I felt compelled in my responsibility to give and to show love and care to those people; I simply had to do it. When I arrived, I couldn't find the gift. I thought that all my careful planning and worrying was in vain. After about 45 minutes, it was retrieved. It took me an hour and a half to get home on public transport. I had been out for 9 hours by the time I got back and had 'achieved' very little in that time. On the surface, it was a wasted day. But I knew in those hours of travelling, walking to avoid fares, worrying over everything that I was doing it not for myself but for the sake of others.

I wasn't, however, much in the mood to make my family dinner, so I still have a lot of work to do!

How do you like to show the power of giving to others in your life?

-Antonia