Impressions of Independence.

Nothing sums up my first week better than a comment my housemate (though we are technically living in a hostel, but 'hostelmate' doesn't QUITE sound the same, does it?) made a few days into our induction week: "I wonder when this will start to feel less like a school trip". Since then, it feels like I have progressed to the stage of "Isn't this week of work experience just lovely, I wish I could stay". It hasn't quite sunk in that my weekly lectures start tomorrow, I have a full time occupation, I am one of those speedwalking, headphone-wearing commuters, and that I am indeed a missionary.

Last week was a day where we were pretty much pampered by the Mission team, with M&S platters being delivered to us every lunchtime, although they were the highlight in days that were full of fire training, risk assessment, and precautions against blood-borne diseases. By the time Friday rolled around, and we had spent the morning become more and more subdued while studying ways to spot possible child abuse and neglect, our previous reservations about taking too much cake to avoid bloating were gone in a flurry of comfort eating. We returned from those days quite tired - learning so many names of everybody in HQ, trying to find the toilets in what is a glorified, well-lit, rabbit warren, and spending all days bathed in the bore of necessary training while trying desperately to take it all in within the confines of the same four walls was draining to say the least. However, it is nothing compared to the tiredness which I feel after only three days actually on full-time placement. We woe-d last week over how tiring sitting down all day was, but today, I can barely feel my legs from the lack of sitting down I have done over the last three days. I work a 9-6 shift, and while I thankfully have a quick commute (beautiful view of the Shard and the Tower of London in the morning sunshine/evening mist included), it's not exactly rolling out of the hostel at 9am and straight into HQ, conveniently located next door, and then back again at 4 for some chatting, reading and leisure time.

Last week, they told us that it would be impossible not to bring our work home with us. I brushed it off, thinking that 9 hours of door-to-door, home visits, and washing up would be enough for me, thank you very much. Cue be being up until midnight last night washing up all the dishes and reflecting over every single person I had met as well as the tragic stories of the homeless and street workers which my housemate has been bombarded in her work at Webber street,  plus a long list of domestic things that needed to be done before work the next morning, as well as a fright of spotting a mouse in the kitchen.

WELCOME TO INDEPENDENCE! 
Warning: it is so much harder than A-Levels.

-Antonia

The Big Year.

So, this is the year that I go out into the so-called Big Wide World, leaving behind the routine of school and half-terms and those intimate friends and quirks of my family. Leaving behind a church which I have grown up in containing people who are a family of sorts, who have let me into their lives and inspired me to serve others and love others through their love for Christ which we share. Moving to London to continue serving full-time, unpaid, and learning lots (hopefully). Some people think I'm crazy - they don't understand why I would want to work so hard and pay for the privilege.

Let me explain. Firstly, starting with why I am taking a year out of the education system. Aside from feeling like that it was a calling in my Christian life, I felt like the education system boxed me up and pressured me in ways which I found difficult to handle. In spite of A-levels having more independence and free learning, I very rarely found this on my courses aside from English Literature A2 Coursework, where I got to read around and cite other sources and explore a small area of deep interest to me. Yet, even that was confined to a mark scheme (which I ignored, ended up writing well over 3,000 words, and having to spend tedious hours cutting down to 2,200). This was a trait of the whole of school. Exams were a test of how well you could structure yourself to a specification that would make it easy for marking purposes, rather than a time where you could develop a flair for writing essays. I found it difficult to adapt myself (and my handwriting) to such mark schemes. Looking back, some of these specifications did help me in my essay writing, but in the end, I felt like essays and exams were a game to be played rather than a true test of how hard you have studied. Now, I know that University is more than this, but at the core of this was the problem that I was starting to base my worth on the results of this game

. I always compared myself to others and tried to be as good as them. By the end of sixth form, I was just ready to get out! Taking a year out, to me, is a time to be independent of tested learning, the stress of exams, and to explore a different passion from learning within my fields of interest, and that is my passion for people, the joy I have found in serving people, and a hunger to learn more about my faith and the God I serve.

Lavender with a fancy edit - thought it might spruce up this rather long and perhaps narcissistic post.

Now, this blog won't be a place to really discuss my faith - I have a journal for all that - but it will be unavoidable because my faith was the ringleader of this next year, and my God will guide me through it. This decision was not from my mind, it was the leading of the Holy Spirit. And if you know me, you can ask me more about it alone sometime.

A friend running through the Lavender field this summer.

As mentioned earlier, many people don't understand what exactly I am doing this next year, so this is a place to clear things up as best I can. On Monday 9th September, I am moving to central London to work with a Christian charity called London City Mission. There, I will be undergoing what they call the 'City Vision' gap year scheme, where I shall spend my year in Urban Missionary training through a practical placement and weekly lectures (and more studying!). My placement, which I have chosen, is in a Community Arts Outreach Cafe called Departure. This is a cafe that is pretty much heaven for a hipster, or anyone who loves photography. There will be MANY photos going up on here when I have settled fully. I will be washing dishes, at the till offering a friendly smile, chatting to people as they sip tea and take advantage of the Wi-fi, explore the gallery, run evening events... and more, I guess, but I won't know until I get there. I am doing it to reach out to two opposing communities which reside in the area, who are separated by religious beliefs and culture and who would never otherwise collide. If we meet people in need, we hope to offer practical support. I will be assisting on home visits to the lonely and the struggling. People who desperately need people to show them love and care. But importantly, in the long-term, we hope to see lives changed through a knowledge of the love of Christ and their trust in him as a result. I am paying to do this because my life has been changed by the faith I have in Jesus and I simply wish to do this full-time, at least for this year. It's not exactly travelling the world or going to Africa to help the starving children, but I fully believe that 'the need is not the call', and have always felt like people in this country need help, too, but this is overlooked by many.

I have had a taste of this when working on beach missions in Wales with United Beach Missions, and those weeks have been some of the best of my life. I have also been passionate about the persecuted church for the last three or four years, and I have been working with Open Doors as a youth advocate in the last year, running my own blog encouraging others to pray and raising awareness. The lack of freedom of many in the Arab world and in places such as China, North Korea, Syria and Egypt inspires me to use mine.

I have a place at University waiting for me in October 2014 if I want it. We'll see what happens.

-Antonia

P.S For anyone interested, here is the link to the website of the cafe, and the tumblr of the cafe.